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A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which country had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed. The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'impeccable' (a term frequently used by woodpeckers ). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge. The two of them flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'impeccable' tree almost without breaking a sweat. Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country? After much woodpecker pondering, they both came to the same conclusion: Apparently, Tiger Woods was right, when he said, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home. +++ A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded around a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to the owner asked. and she couldn't bear to see me shoot it, so we brought it home as a pet." $10,000 for the duck and the pot. bar in anger, a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" ++++++++++++ Two tall trees were growing in the woods. A small tree began to grow between them. One tree said to the other: "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The other said he could not tell.
"Neither. That, my friends, is the best piece of ash I've ever put my pecker in." A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. He went back in and in the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. "No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," he said to himself. He got out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway." "Now," she said, "If only I could find my parakeet." +++++++++++++++++ There was this fella with a parrot. And the parrot swore like a sailor. He could swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. The trouble was, the guy who owned him was a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth was driving him crazy. One day, it got to be too much, so the guy grabbed the bird by the throat, shook him really hard, and yelled, "QUIT IT!" But this just made the bird mad and he swore more than ever. Then the guy got mad and said, "OK for you," and locked the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravated the bird and he clawed and scratched, and when the guy finally let him out, the bird cut loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush. At that point, the guy was so mad he threw the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there was a terrible din. The bird kicked and clawed and thrashed. Then it suddenly became quiet. At first the guy just waited, but then he started to think the bird might be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he became worried and opened up the freezer door. The bird calmly climbed onto the man's outstretched arm and said, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on." The man was astounded. He couldn't understand the transformation that had come over the parrot. Then the parrot said, "By the way, what did the chicken do?" ++++++++++++++++= An older gentleman was standing at a bus stop, observing a young man with spiked hair colored orange, green, and blue. After a few moments, the young man noticed him staring and said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild?" The old man smiled and said, "Well, yes. I once had sex with a parrot, and I was wondering if you might be my son." ++++ Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry", said the first one. "Me, too" said the second. "Let's fly down and find some lunch." They flew to the ground and found a nice plot of plowed ground Full of worms. They ate and ate and ate and ate 'til they could eat no more. "I'm so full I don't think I can fly back up to the tree", said the first one. "Me either. Let's just lay here and bask in the warm sun", said the second. "O.K." said the first. They plopped down, basking in the sun. No sooner than they had fallen asleep, a big fat tom cat snuck up And gobbled them up. As he sat washing his face after his meal, he thought, (Are you ready for this one?) "I love baskin' robins." +++++++++++++++++++++ A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. Why did the chicken cross the road? PETER REITH: All I knew is that I lent my chicken to my son... How was I to know that it would run up $50 000 worth road tolls? I don't think I'm liable, unless the public think so... PETER COSTELLO: According to documentation submitted to the Live Foods Processing Authority, the chicken in question was uncooked at the time of its journey and therefore will not incur a GST charge. However, if that Chicken actually crossed the road for profit, regardless of its raw/cooked status, the road crossing would be considered by the ATO to be a service for which GST will be imposed. PAULINE HANSON: Please explain - what's a chicken ? ROBERT DE NIRO: Are you telling me the chicken crossed that road? Is that what you're telling me? DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told! JOHN HOWARD: The chicken never ever crossed the road. And it was not forcibly removed from its mother! EVELYN SCOTT: To demonstrate a commitment to reconciliation with indigenous chickens. ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens, be they black or white or brown or red or speckled, will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. REV. FRED NILE: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what "they" call it: the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken you will become gay too. It is the will of Jesus and the Lord that we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It's as plain and simple as that. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability. SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and violence by counter- revolutionary terrorists and we were forced to defend ourselves from the menace of the chicken by dropping 500 tons of nerve gas on it. RONALD REAGAN: What chicken, Mommy? CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it's true? HANSIE CRONJE: What if I could guarantee it won't get to the other side? FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. How do you feel about your mother? BILL GATES: We have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs (only in the proprietary brown_ms.egg format), file your important documents, and balance your chequebook. Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken. THE CIA: Who told you about the chicken? Did you see the chicken? There was no chicken. Please step into the car, sir. EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by "chicken"? Could you define the word "chicken"? THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. ********** A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn't +++++++++++++++++++++ One day, a man went to a flower shop. He wanted to know what he should get his wife for their anniversary. The owner pulled out a bird and said, "His name's Chet. Light a match under his left leg and he sings Happy Anniversary. Light a match under his right leg and he sings Happy Birthday." Since the man wasn`t a very good shopper, he took it instead of flowers. He took it home to his wife, and she loved it. She lit a match under his left leg and he sang "Happy Anniversary." Then, she lit one under his right leg, and he started singing "Happy Birthday." She was so pleased, but then she wondered, "What would happen if I lit a match under both of his legs?" So she did. Then, Chet started singing, "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire..." +++++++++++++++++ A chicken goes into a library and says, "Bok," so the librarian gives it a book. Ten minutes later the same chicken comes in again and says, "Bok bok." The librarian gives the chicken two books, but being a bit curious, follows the chicken down the road where the chicken meets a frog. The frog says to the chicken, "Redit, redit!" +++++++++++++++++++
In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male.
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