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Blondes - Short Jokes
Shes SO BLONDE That... She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept When she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted),
What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little envelope. ++++ What do blondes and cow pies have in common? The older they get, the easier they are to pick up. ++++ What do you call it when a blonde drives down the street with her head out the window? Refueling. ++++ Why can't blondes take coffee breaks? They're too hard to retrain. ++++ Why can't blondes fart? Because they never stop talking long enough to build up any pressure. ++++ What do you call nine blondes standing in a circle? A dope ring. ++++ What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean? An air pocket. ++++ What do you call a basement full of blondes? A whine cellar. ++++++ What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? "Oh look! Donut seeds!" ++++ Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts? This goes in front. ++++ Why would a blonde wear green lipstick? Because red means Stop. ++++ Why do blondes always fail driver's tests? Every time the car stops, they hop in the back seat. ++++ What did the blonde's mom say before her daughter went out on a date? If you're not in bed by 10pm, come home! ++++ She's still looking for a lake with a slope!! ++++ Spring Training. ++++ Because all the blondes used to drown. ++++ Only three football players fit in a phone booth. +++ Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall? To see what was on the other side. +++ Q: What do you call a blonde with a map, compass, and set of directions? A: Lost.
The Blonde's Revenge
+++ Q. Whats dumber than 2 brunettes building a house under the ocean? A. 2 blondes trying to burn it down! +++ Q. What does a blonde and a turtle have in common? A. Once there on their backs their screwed. +++ Q. Why did the blonde go up to the roof during the party? A. She heard drinks were on the house. +++ Why did the Blonde jump off the cliff? She thought her Maxi-pad hand wings. +++ Q. What is the difference between a Blonde and Taxi cab? A. You have to pay for the taxi!!!! +++ Q. Did you hear about the blonde who just bought Did you hear about the blonde that took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight. +++ Did you hear about the blonde that got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said "2 to 4 years" +++ Did you hear about the blonde that aas trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out. +++ Did you hear about the blonde that couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button. +++ Did you hear about the blonde that when asked what the capital of California was; answered "C" +++ Did you hear about the blonde that burnt her nose bobbing for French fries. +++ Did you hear about the blonde that baked a turkey for 3 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 125. +++ Did you hear about the blonde that hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel. +++ Did you hear about the blonde that changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said "good up to 20 pounds" +++ Did you hear about the blonde that after losing in a breaststroke swimming competition, complained that the other swimmers were using their arms +++ What goes vroom-screech-vroom-screech', etc? A blonde at a flashing red light +++ +++ Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain? A: "Gifted" +++ Q: What do you call a blonde with a whole brain? A: A Golden Retriever +++ Q: How do blonde brains cells die? A: Alone. +++ Q: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? A: Pregnant. +++ Q: What did the blonde say to the doctor when he told her she was pregnant? A: Are you sure it's mine? +++ Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes her hair brunette? A: Artificial intelligence. +++ Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen sink? A: Because that's where you're suppose to wash vegetables. +++ Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up? A: To catch everything that goes over their heads. +++ Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? A: Shine a flashlight in her ear. +++ Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? A: There's white-out on the screen. +++ Q: How can you tell if a second blonde has used the same computer? A: There's writing on the white-out. +++ Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? A: You only have to put information into a computer once. +++ Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer? A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get the shopping channel. +++ Q: Why don't blondes eat Jell-O? A: They can't figure out how to get two cups of water in those little boxes. +++ Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? A: Because they can't get their heads in the jar. +++ Q: Why do blondes drive BMW's? A: Because they can spell it +++ Q: Why do blondes right T.G.I.F. on their shoes? A: To help them remember T.oes G.o I.n F.irst. +++ Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on each side of her? A: An interpreter. +++ Q: What do you call a brunette between two blondes? A: A mental block. +++ Q: How do you change a blonde's mind? A: Blow in her ear. +++ Q: What's the first thing that a blonde does in the morning? A: Introduces herself. +++ Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in her ear? A: Thanks for the refill! +++ Q: What is is called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear? A: Data Transfer.
Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress while reading her name tag? A: "Debbie"...that's cute. What did you name the other one?" +++ Q: Why do blondes have more fun? A: They are easier to keep amused. +++ Q: How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. She just holds the light bulb and the world revolves around her! +++ Q: Why did the blonde want to become a Veterinarian? A: Because she loved children..... +++ Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver? A: She missed the earth. +++ Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer? A: She slipped off the sink and broke her ankle. +++ Q: Did you hear about the blonde that dropped out of nursing school? A: She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform the Hymenlick Maneuver. +++ Q: What do they call four blondes in a Volkswagon? A: Far-from-thinkin'. +++ Q: How many blondes does it take to play hide and seek? A: Just one, and she's STILL trying to find herself! +++ Q: What do you call the skeleton in the closet? A: Last year's hide and seek champion. +++ Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives? A: The vegetable garden. +++ Q: How do you give a blonde a brain transplant? A: Blow in her ear. +++ Q: Why did the blonde fail her driver's license exam? A: She wasn't used to the front seat. +++ Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense? A: ....I'll tell you tomorrow. +++ Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit? A: Two. One to stand in the bath tub of water and the other to plug in and pass her the blow dryer. +++ Q: What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket and riding on a motorcycle? A: Rebel without a clue. +++
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number "Eleven"? A: She didn't know which of the one's came first. +++ Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a swimming pool? A: Air pockets. +++ Q: What can strike a blonde without them ever knowing it? A: A thought. +++ Q: What's brown and red....and black and blue all over? A: A beat up brunette that told one too many blonde jokes. +++ Q: What does Dr. "Bones" McCoy say just before he performs brain surgery on a blonde? A: SPACE....The final frontier. +++ Q: A blonde and a brunette jump off a tall building, who hit the ground first? A: The brunette, the blonde stopped to ask for directions. +++ Q: Why are blondes hurt by some people's words? A: Because these people keep hitting them with dictionaries. +++ What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease? A: Her IQ goes up. +++ Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common? A: They both eventually end up in the gutter. +++ Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? A: So men and brunettes can understand them too. +++ Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? A: "Frosted Flakes" +++ Q: What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has actually been seen. +++ Q: What did the blonde say when she was asked if she'd ever been picked up by the fuzz? A: "No, but I've been pulled around by my ponytail." +++ Q: What do blondes and cow "patties" have in common. A: They both get easier to pick up with age. +++ Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree. +++ Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird? A: She threw it off a cliff. +++
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on +++
Q: How does a blonde describe in words how I
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Q: Why did the blonde climb over the chain link fence? A: To see what was on the other side. +++ Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in the backseat of her car? A: In case she locks her keys in the car. +++ Q: What do you call an unmarried blonde in a Rolls Royce. A: Widow of that Old Rich guy. +++ Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M & M shells all over the kitchen floor. +++ Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy? A: Give her a bag of m & m's and have her alphabetize them. +++ Q: Did you hear about the blonde that shot an arrow in the air? A: She missed. +++ Q: Why did the blonde cross the road. A: I don't know, and neither did she. +++ Q: Why did the blonde cross the road? A: To show the chicken how it was done. +++ Q: What job title does a blonde have in an M & M factory? A: "Proofreader." +++ Q: Why did they fire the blonde from the M & M factory? A: She kept throwing away all the "W's" +++ Q: Why did the blonde steal the police car? A: She saw 911 on it and thought it was a Porsche. +++ Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart? A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own. +++ Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind the steering wheel? A: An Air Bag. +++ Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on? A: "It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on It's off..." +++ Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off. +++ Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote? A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck in the trap. +++ Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for blondes? A: Perri-air. +++ Q: What do you call a blonde in an institute of higher learning? A: A visitor. +++ Q: How do you measure a blonde's IQ? A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear. +++ Q: Why can't blondes put light bulbs in? A: They keep breaking them with the hammer. +++ Q: Why did a group of 19 blondes go to see a rated R movie? A: Because the sign said "Under 18 not allowed." +++ A blonde told her friend, "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid." ++++ Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put knives on her shoulders & ask her a question! +++ Q. What does a blonde do when its cold and there is no electricity? A. Sits around a candle. +++ Q. What does a blonde do when its really really cold and there is no electricity? A. Actually lights the candle. +++
R-rated Blonde Jokes: +++ What is blonde, brunette, blonde, brunette, blonde? A naked blonde doing cartwheels. +++ Why did god give blondes one more brain cell than cows??? So when you play with their boobs they Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? A: Nothing. They've never met. +++ Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab? A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab. +++ Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count. +++ Q. How is a blonde like a teenage boy? A. Both are young, dumb, and full of cum! ++++ Q: What do you call a blonde with pigtails? A: A blowjob with handles. +++ Q. What do blondes and spaghetti have in common? A. They both wiggle when you eat them. +++
Needed: More Blonde Jokes! Please send us your favorites to: Thanks, The Jokester +++++++ To visit other humor pages, click on any of the categories below! Short Stuff: Quickies Quotations
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