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A Brit, a Frenchman and a Russian were viewing a painting
of Adam and Eve walking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," mused the Brit. "They
must be British!"

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagreed. "They're naked, and
so beautiful. Clearly, they are French!"

"It is obvious they are Russian," argued the Russian. "They
have no clothes and no shelter, they have only an apple to
eat, and they are being told this is paradise!"

Two immigrants, new to America, are wandering around on

their first day off the boat in New York City, seeing the sights.

Pretty soon they realize it's time for lunch and they're hungry

from walking around all morning. They see a street vendor

selling hotdogs.

The first immigrant says, "I can't believe it! They eat dogs in

America."

The second immigrant, although equally shocked, replies,

"Well, we're going to be Americans now, so we have to

behave like Americans and eat like Americans."

They approach the vendor and bravely order two hotdogs.

The vendor hands them their meals in paper sacks. They

find a park bench nearby where they sit down to eat their

first American meal.

The first immigrant looks inside his sack. Closing it

quickly, he turns to his friend in shock.

"Uh, which part of the dog did YOU get?"

++++++

Have you read the worlds shortest books?

"Australian Wit and Wisdom"

"Jewish Business Ethics"

"Italian War Heroes"

and "Negroes I Have Met While Yachting"

++++++

An American, a Scot and a Canadian were in a terrible car

accident. They were all brought to the same emergency

room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just

as they were about to put the toe tag on the American,

he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors

and nurses present asked him what happened.

"Well, " said the American, "I remember the crash, and

then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian

and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven.

St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too

young to die, and that for a donation of $50, we could

return to the earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet

and gave him the $50, and the next thing

I knew I was back here."

"That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what

happened to the other two?"

"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot

was haggling over the price and the Canadian was

waiting for the government to pay for his."

++++++

Q. If you are American in the kitchen - what are you in the bathroom ?

A. European.

+++

A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and
were deciding where to go for a drink. The Irishman said
"Let's all go to O'Tooles. With every third round, the
bartender will give each of us a free Guiness."

The Italian said "That sounds good, but if we go to Martini's,
with every third round they bring a free bottle of Chianti to
the table."

The Russian said "That sounds fine but if we go to Vlastof's,
we drink for free all night and then go out into the parking
lot and get laid."

"That sounds to good to be true!" the Irishman exclaimed.
"Have you actually been there?"

"No," the Russian replied, "but my wife goes there all the
time."

-------

Q: Why do Women Prefer Russian Sailors?

A: They not scared to go down, will bang away for hours,
lay down in a wet spot and still be stiff after 10
hours!

+++

A man boards an airplane and takes his seat. As he
settles in, he glances up and sees a very beautiful
woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she's
heading straight towards his seat. Lo and behold, she
takes the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out,
"Business trip or vacation?"

She turns, smiles and says, "Business. I'm going to the
annual Nymphomaniac Convention in Chicago."

He swallows hard. Here is the most gorgeous woman he
has ever seen, sitting next to him and she's going to a
meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his
composure, he calmly asks, "What's your business role
at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she says, "I use my experience to debunk
some of the popular myths about sexuality."

"Really," he says, swallowing hard," what myths are
those?"

"Well," she explains, "one popular myth is that African
American men are the most well endowed when, in fact,
it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to
possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French
men are the best lovers, when actually it is the man of
Jewish descent. However, we have found that the best
potential lover in all categories is the Southern Red
Neck."

Suddenly, the woman becomes a little uncomfortable and
blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I shouldn't be
discussing this with you. I don't even know your name!"

"Tonto!", the man says, "Tonto Goldstein!...but my
friends call me Bubba!

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