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French Humor
 
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+++
Five Belgians in an Audi Quattro arrive at the French border.
The French Customs agent stops them and tells them: "It's
illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro."
"Oh, no, Quattro is just the name of the automobile. Look at the
papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons."
"You can't pull that one on me," replies the French customs
agent. "Quattro means 4!"
"Oh, you are so stupid! Call your supervisor over!"
"He can't come. He's busy with the 2 guys in the Fiat Uno."
++++++
A language teacher was explaining to her class that in
French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are
grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.
"House" in French, is feminine-"la maison." "Pencil" in
French, is masculine-"le crayon."
One puzzled student asked, "What gender is computer?"
The teacher did not know, and the word was not in her
French dictionary. So for fun she split the class into
two groups appropriately enough, by gender, and asked
them to decide whether "computer" should be a masculine
of a feminine noun. Both groups were required to give
four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that computer should definitely
be of the feminine gender ('la computer"), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal
logic; 2. The native language they use to communicate
with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone
else; 3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-
term memory for possible later retrieval; and 4. As soon
as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself
spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should
be masculine ('le computer") because: 1. In order to do
anything with them, you have to turn them on; 2. They have
a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 3.
They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half
the time they ARE the problem; and 4. As soon as you
commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a
little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
The Women won.
~~~~~
One cold December day, a French tourist in Scotland decided
to find out if the natives were as tight as he had heard.
He stopped at a farm cottage, told the farmer's wife he was
freezing to death, and was invited to come in and warm himself
at the hearth. Once inside the house, he complained of being
thirsty. The woman handed him an enormous white crockery
mug filled with milk.
After taking a big swig, the impulsive guest exclaimed, "This
is sweet and fresh ... you are most generous!"
She replied modestly, "It's nothing. My family wouldn't drink
that milk because we found a dead rat in it."
Sick to his stomach, the Frenchman clapped both hands over his
mouth, allowing the huge mug to fall to the floor and shatter
on the stone.
The Scotswoman grabbed her broom, raised it high in the air,
brought it down on the visitor's head, and hollered, "Get out,
you ungrateful pig! I take you in my home, I let you share my
fire, I give you milk to drink ... and now you repay my kindness
by breaking the children's potty!"
+++++++
Q: Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
A: Because every time they shoot them off, the French try
to surrender.
++++++++
 
When Charles deGaulle decided to retire from public life,
the American ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner
party in his honor. At the dinner table the Ambassador's
wife was talking with Madame deGaulle.
"Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such
a presence on the French and International scene for so many
years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What
are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?"
"A penis," replied Madame deGaulle.
A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer...
and no one knew what to say next.
Finally, Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said,
"Ma cherie, I believe zee Americans pronounce zat word,
'appiness."
+++++++
Q: Hear about the library that burnt down in Paris?
A: Destroyed their entire collection and they hadn't even
finished coloring in the second one !
++++++++
Top 10 Reasons For Being French
1. When speaking fast you can make yourself sound gay
2. Yet to experience the joy of winning the world cup for the first time
3. You get to eat insect food like snails and frogs legs
4. If there's a war, you can surrender really early
5. You don't have to read the subtitles on those late night films on SBS.
6. You can test your own nuclear weapons in other people's countries
7. You can be ugly and still become a famous film star
8. Allow Germans to march up and down your most famous street humiliating your
sense of national pride
9. You don't have to bother with toilets, just do it in the street
10. People think you're a great lover even when you're not
++++++++++
In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater
to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad
department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what
sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur."
The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular wine,
but was used to the infusion of French words into the
local vocabulary.
"Could you please spell that?" she asked.
"You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w
M-a-n-u-r-e."
++++
Q: Why do Frenchmen always were yellow ties?
A: To match their teeth!
+++
France is the only country where the money falls apart and you
can't tear the toilet paper. ---Billy Wilder
+++
There once was an Asian woman who married a French man
and they lived in Paris. Unfortunately the woman did not
speak a lot of French but was able to communicate with
her husband regardless. Grocery shopping was her worst
nightmare.
One day the woman needed a pork roast for supper. She went
to the butcher but was unable to make the butcher understand
what she wanted. She lifted her skirt and showed the man
her thigh. The butcher handed her a pork roast.
The following day the woman needed chicken breasts. Again
not being able to be understood by the butcher the woman
unbuttoned her blouse and showed the butcher her breasts.
Understanding immediately the butcher gave the woman two
chicken breasts.
The following week the woman needed sausages. This time
the woman brought her husband with her to the butcher.
What do you think happened?
Her husband spoke French.....he simply asked for them =)
++++++++++
One day Father Boudreaux and Father Thibodeaux wus fishin on da
side of da road. Dey thoughtfully made a sign saying "The End is
Near, Cher'! Turn yurself 'Round now, before it's too late!," and
showed it to each passing car.
Well, dis one car dat passed didn't appreciate the sign and wus
shouting at dem and hollin "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"
Den all of a sudden dey heard a big splash and dey looked at each
other and Fr. Boudreaux said .....
"ya think we shoulda just put a sign dat says 'Bridge Out' instead?
+++++++++
One night in Paris, an American tourist dropped into a sidewalk café
late one night and, after a couple of drinks, realized he was the
last person in the bar except for a chap sleeping at one of the
tables. The man called the proprietor over and asked for his bill.
"Would monsieur care for another drink?" asked the Frenchman.
"No thanks, I imagine you want to close up. Why don't you send that
fellow home?"
"Well, I should," said the other. Then, with Gallic logic, he added,
"But each time I wake him up he asks for the bill and pays it again."
+++++++++
 
A beautiful American girl was walking along a parkway when
she heard what sounded like a voice coming from a frog
resting along the parkway. She reached down and heard the
frog say, "Kiss me and I will turn into a handsome man".
She was amazed that the frog was talking to her. Being the
curious type, she decided to bend down and kiss the frog.
As soon as she kissed it, there was a cloud of smoke and a
handsome man appeared. "Aw, shit," said the beautiful girl,
"you're Jacques Chirac; just another slimey frog."
+++++++
An American couple is in Paris on a long-awaited trip, when
suddenly the wife dies of a heart attack. The husband decides
to have her buried there since they had looked forward to their
visit to France for so many years.
All arrangements are made when he suddenly realizes that he
doesn't have a black hat for the funeral. The hotel concierge
tells him that what he wants is a "chapeau noir." So off he goes
to find a store that is open late.
First he meets a gendarme and in his fractured French asks,
"M'sieur, on pouvais-je acheter un capeau noir?"
The policeman is a bit surprised since the American has asked
where he can buy a black condom, but, after thinking a bit, he
gives our friend directions.
The store - if that is what it is - looks a little seedy and
rundown, but the man behind the counter looks friendly so in
goes the American and says, "M'sieru, je veux acheter un capeau
noir?"
"Mais, monsieur, j'ai des capeaux rouges, des capeaux blancs, et
des capeaux marrons, mais pas des capeaux noire." After
explaining that he has red, white, and brown condoms, but no
black condoms, the man asks the American why he wants a black
condom, "Pourquoi avez vous besoin d'un capeau noir?"
"Ma femme est morte."
After the American says that his wife is dead, the man exclaims,
"O Monsieru! Quelle beau sentiment!-What a beautiful sentiment!"
++++++++
 
Advice for American travelers going to France
The following advice for American travelers going to France was
compiled from information provided by the US State Department,
the CIA, the US Chamber of Commerce, the Food and Drug
Administration, the Centers for Disease Control and some very
expensive spy satellites that the French don't know about.
It is intended as a guide for American travelers only.
General Overview
France is a medium-sized foreign country situated in the
continent of Europe. It is an important member of the
world community, though not nearly as important as it
thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerland
and some smaller nations of no particular importance
And with not very good shopping.
France is a very old country with many treasures, such as
the Louvre and Eurodisney. Among its contributions to
western civilization are champagne, Camembert cheese
and the guillotine. Although France likes to think of itself
as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it is
next to impossible for Americans to get decent Mexican
food.
Of continuous exasperation for American visitors is that
local people insist on speaking in French, though many will
speak English if shouted at. Watch your money at all times.
The People France has a population of 56 million people.
52 million of these drink and smoke (the other 4 million are
small children).
All French people drive like lunatics, are dangerously oversexed,
and have no concept of standing patiently in a queue. The French
people are in general gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant,
aloof and undisciplined; those are their good points. Most French
citizens are Roman Catholic, though you would hardly guess it
from their behavior.
Many people are communists. Men sometimes have girls' names
like Marie or Michel, and they kiss each other when they meet.
American travelers are advised to travel in groups and wear
baseball caps and colorful trousers for easier recognition.
Safety
In general, France is a safe destination, although travelers must
be aware that from time to time it is invaded by Germany.
Traditionally, the French surrender immediately and, apart
from a temporary shortage of Scotch whisky and increased
difficulty in getting baseball scores and stock market prices,
life for the American visitor generally goes on much as before.
A tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the English
Channel has been opened in recent years to make it easier for
the French government to flee to London during future
German invasions.
History
France historical figures are Louis XIV, the Huguenots,
Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who
was President for many years and is now an airport.
Government
The French form of government is democratic but noisy.
Elections are held more or less continuously and always
result in a draw. The French love administration so for
government purposes the country is divided into regions,
departments, districts, municipalities, towns, communes,
villages, cafes, and telephone kiosks. Each of these has its
own government and elections.
Parliament consists of two chambers, the Upper and Lower,
though confusingly they are both on the ground floor, and
whose members are either Gaullists or Communists, neither
of whom should be trusted by the traveler. Parliament's
principal occupation is setting off atomic bombs in the
south Pacific and acting indignant and surprised when
other countries complain.
According to the most current American state department
intelligence, the President is now someone named Jacques.
Further information is not available at this time.
Culture
The French pride themselves on their culture, though it is not
easy to see why. All their music sounds the same and they have
never made a movie that you would want to watch for anything
but the nude scenes.
Cuisine
Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is
just a slug with a shell on its back. Croissants on the other hand,
are excellent, although it is impossible for most Americans to
pronounce this word. In general, travelers are advised to stick
to cheeseburgers.
Economy
France has a large and diversified economy; second only to
Germany's in Europe, which is surprising because the French
hardly work at all. If they are not spending four hours dawdling
over lunch, they are on strike and blocking the roads with their
trucks and tractors.
France's principal exports, in order of importance to the economy,
are wine, nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles, champagne,
guns, grenade launchers, land mines, tanks, attack aircraft,
miscellaneous armaments and cheese.
Public Holidays
France has more holidays than any other nation in the world.
Among its 361 national holidays are: 197 Saints' days, 37 National
Liberation Days, 16 Declaration of Republic Days, 54 Return of
Charles de Gaulle in triumph as if he won the war single-handed
Days, 18 Napolean sent into Exile Days, 17 Napoleon Called Back
from Exile Days, and 2 "France is Great and the Rest of the World
is Rubbish" Days.
Conclusion
France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied landscape, and
a temperate climate. In short, it could be a very nice country if
French people did not inhabit it. This is the best thing that
can be said for France.
+++++++++
There was an old man in France who used to get up every morning at five A.M.
He would then go and sprinkle a white powder on the roads.
When he was asked what he was sprinkling on the roads, he answered that it
was elephant powder.
The person then remarked "But everybody knows that there are no elephants
in France!"
To which he answered "I guess it must be working then!"
+++++++++
Q: Why aren't there any cardiac specialists in France?
A: Because the Frogs don't have any heart!
++++++++
An American couple are holidaying in a part of Africa that
still has cannibalism. They come across a restaurant with a
sign in the window:
Today's Specials :- Americans, Germans & English - $10/lb,
French $20/lb.
The husband is curious and goes in to ask the owner why the
price difference.
"How come eating a Frenchman is so much more expensive
compared to the others?" asked the Americans.
The owner replied, Have you ever tried to CLEAN one?"
++++++++++++=
A tourist from France goes on his first overseas trip. Upon
arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling his visa application.
The border official looks over his shoulder, and sees the
tourist trying to write, 'Twice a week' into the small space
labeled, 'SEX'.
The official explains, "No, no, no. That is not what we mean
by this question. We want to know either 'Male' or 'Female'."
"Doesn't matter," the tourist answers.
+++++++++
A visitor from France was chatting with his American
friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white
and blue in the French flag.
"Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red
when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill,
and blue after we pay them."
"That's the same with us," the American said,
"only we see stars, too."
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
German scientists dig 50 meters underground and discover small pieces of
copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announces that the
ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network.
Naturally, the British government is not that easily impressed. It orders its
scientists to dig even deeper, and 100 meters down they find small pieces of
glass. The British announce that the ancient Britons 35,000 years ago already
had a nationwide fiber network.
French scientists are outraged. They dig 200 meters underground, but found
absolutely nothing. Their conclusion, they announce to the press, is that the
ancient French 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones.
++++++++++++++++
My sister and I spent two weeks in Paris. The locals obviously
hated Americans. No matter where we went, we were subject
to rude behavior from waiters, store clerks, pedestrians, etc.
After a while it started to irritate us.
One day, in Paris, my sister went shopping. She entered a
store and started looking around. She was the only customer
in the store. As she was look through the clothes on the rack,
a clerk hurriedly approached her and very abruptly asked if he
could help her.
My sister was used to this bad treatment by now and she
politely declined his help. She continued to look at the
clothes. Then she noticed that every clerk in the store was
staring at her.
Defiantly, she continued to look through the clothes. When
she could take this treatment no longer, she turned on her
heels, with her head held high, and left the shop.
As she left, she noticed that the sign on the store read "Dry
Cleaners."
vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
Boudreaux went into the fish market to apply for a job. The boss
thought to himself - I'm not hiring that lazy Cajun, so he decided to
set a test for Boudreaux hoping he wouldn't be able to answer the
questions and he'd be able to refuse him the job without getting into
an argument.
The first question was, "Without using numbers, represent the number
9."
Boudreaux says, "Dat's easy" and proceeds to draw three trees.
The boss says, "What in the world is that?"
Boudreaux says, "Tree 'n tree 'n tree makes nine."
"Fair enough" says the boss. "Second questions, same rules, but
represent 99".
Boudreaux stares into space for a while, then makes a smudge on each tree.
"Der ya go sir," he says.
The boss scratches his head and asks, "How on earth do you get that
to represent 99?"
Boudreaux answers, "Each tree is dirty now, so it's dirty tree 'n
dirty tree 'n dirty tree - dat 99."
The boss is getting worried he's going to have to hire Boudreaux so
he says, "All right, question number 3. Same rules again, but this
time represent the number 100."
Boudreaux stares into space again, then he shouts, "I got it!" He
makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Der ya go
sir - 100."
The boss looks at Boudreaux's attempt and thinks, "Ha! got him this
time." He then tells Boudreaux, "Go on, Boudreaux, you must be crazy
if you think that represents a 100."
Boudreaux leans forward and points to the little marks at the tree
bases and says, "A little dog comes along and craps by each tree, so
now ya got dirty tree an' a turd, dirty tree an' a turd, and dirty
tree an' a turd, which makes 100. When do I start my job?"
+++++
An American is having breakfast one morning while in Paris: (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman,
chewing gum, sits down next to him.
The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
Frenchman: "Americans eat the whole bread, crusts and all??"
American (in a bad mood): "Of course."
Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat the insides. Crusts we collect
in a container, recycle them, transform them into croissants and sell them to the States."
The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.
The American listens in silence.
The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"
American: "Of Course."
Frenchman: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling,) "We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for
breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them
into jam and sell the jam to the States."
The American then asks: "Do you have safe sex in France?"
Frenchman: "Why of course we do," he says with a smirk.
American: "And what do you do with the condoms once ou use them?"
Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."
American: "We don't. In America, we put them in containers, recycle them, melt them down into
chewing gum and sell them to France."
-----------------------
There is a French couple sitting up talking, when the wife says to the husband that it was time he had a conversation
with their thirteen year old son about the birds and the bees.
The father goes to his son's room and says, "Son, do you remember that session I arranged for you with mademoiselle
Ginette?"
"Oh yes, Papa, I remember very well," says the son.
"Well son, it's time you knew that the birds and the bees do the same thing."
+++++++++++++++++++
An elderly French man was walking down the countryside,
admiring the beautiful spring day when, over a hedgerow,
he spotted a young couple, naked, making love in a field.
Getting over his initial shock he said to himself, "Ah,
ze young love ... ze spring time, ze air, ze flowers.
C'est magnifique !!", and continued to watch, remembering
good times.
Suddenly he drew in a gasp and said, "Mais ... Sacre bleu!
Ze woman - she is dead!!", and he hurried along as fast as
he could to the town to tell Albert, the police chief.
He came, out of breath, to the police station and shouted,
"Albert, Albert, zere is zis man, zis woman, naked in
farmer Gaston's field making love."
The police chief smiled and said; "Come, come, Henri, you
are not so old. Remember ze young love, ze spring time,
ze air, ze flowers. Ah, L'amour! Zis is okay."
"Mais non! You do not understand ze woman she is dead!!"
Hearing this, Albert leapt out from his seat and rushed
out of the station and ran down to the field. There, he
confirmed Henri's story and ran all the way back non-stop
to call the doctor.
"Pierre, Pierre, this is Albert. I was in Gaston's field.
Zere is a young couple naked 'aving sex."
To which Pierre replied, "Albert, I am a man of science.
You must remember, it is spring, ze air, ze flowers. Ah,
L'amour! Zis is very natural."
Albert, still out of breath, gasped in reply, "NON, you
do not understand ze woman, she is dead!"
Hearing this Pierre shouted, "Mon dieu!", grabbed is black
medicine bag, stuffed in his thermometer, stethoscope, and
other tools and jumped in the car and drove like a madman
down to Gaston's field.
Upon getting there he gave the couple a full medical exam
and drove back to Henri and Albert, who were waiting at
the station. He got there, went inside, and smiled patiently
at the two Frenchmen and said, "Ah, mes amis, do not worry.
Ze woman, she is not dead...she is English!"
--------------------------------------------
Two Cajun commercial fishermen, Boudreaux & Thibodeaux went out in the gulf fishing. They were gone a couple of
months. On their return, they noticed a Taco Bell had been built while they were away.
Boudreaux turns to Thibodeaux and says "look at dat, we not gone no time and dem Mexicans done come over
here & built a telephone company!"
 
The following French Jokes are
R-rated. If you think you might be offended, leave this page now!
Return to Jokes index
 
R-rated French Humor:
Q: What do you call a Frenchman with Aids, crabs, gonorrhea,
syphilis and VD?
A: An incurable romantic French fuck.
--------------------------------------------
Judi was walking past a shop in the mall. In the window of
the shop is a sign that says, "Good Home Wanted For Clit
Licking Frog."
Immediately intrigued, she walks into the store. She goes
right up to the guy behind the counter. "I've come about
the clit licking frog."
"Oui, Madame?"
-------
Q: Did you hear about the mixed up Parisian Cop?
A: He got off his whistle and blew his horse!
+++
 
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a
pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in
the air.
Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!"
Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.
"What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie.
"I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!" She
smiles and they start kissing.
Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours it on her
breasts.
"Pierre! What are you doing now?" asks the bewildered Marie. "I am Pierre, the
fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!"
She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude, and things really steam
up.
Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me much lower!"
Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap.
He then strikes a match and lights the cognac on fire.
Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine. Standing waist deep, Marie throws
her arms into the air and screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU
THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
Our 'hero' stands and says defiantly, "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! If I go
down, I go down in flames!"
++++++++++
In the middle of an international gynecology conference,
an English and a French gynecologist are discussing various
cases they've recently treated.
French Gynecologist : "Only last week, zer was a woman ooh
came to see me, and 'er cleetoris - eet was like a melon."
English Gynecologist : "Don't be absurd, it couldn't have
been that big, my good man, she couldn't have been able to
walk if it was."
French Gynecologist : "Aaah, you eenglish, zare you go again,
always talkeeng about ze size... I was talkeeng about ze flavour..."
+++++
During World War II, Hitler told his Nazis to rape as many
French women as they could then say, "In nine months you will have a
baby. Name it Adolf. Heil Hitler!"
So a young Nazi soldier, eager to do his duty, dutifully went out
and raped a pretty young French girl. He said, "In nine months you will
have a baby. Name it Adolf. Heil Hitler!"
She replied, "In a few weeks you will have a disease. Name it
syphillis. Vive la France!"
+++++++
The History of "The Finger"
Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating
victory over the English, and proposed to cut off the middle finger of
all captured English soldiers.
Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw the renowned
English longbow. English soldiers, therefore, would be incapable of
fighting in the future.
This famous weapon was made of the native English Yew tree, and the
act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew" (or "pluck
yew"). Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major
upset and began mocking the French by waving their middle fingers at the
defeated French, saying, "See, we can still pluck yew! "PLUCK YEW!"
Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say, the difficult consonant
cluster at the beginning has gradually changed to a labiodental’s
fricative 'F', and thus the words often used in conjunction with the
one-finger-salute are mistakenly thought to have something to do with
an intimate encounter.
It is also because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows used with
the longbow that the symbolic gesture is known as "giving the bird"..
And yew thought yew knew everything.
+++++++
The French zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla.
Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very cranky
and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the zoo veteri-
narian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat.
To make matters worse, there were no male gorilla species
available.
While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators
noticed Pierre, an employee responsible for cleaning the
animals' cages. Pierre, it was rumored, had the ability
to satisfy any female, but he wasn't very bright. So the
zoo administrators thought they might have a solution.
Pierre was approached with a proposition: would he be
willing to have sex with the gorilla for five hundred
Francs? Pierre showed some interest, but said he would
have to think the matter over carefully.
The following day, Pierre announced that he would accept
their offer, but only under three conditions. "First," he
said, "I don't want to have to kiss her. Secondly, I want
nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this
union."
The zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions,
so they asked what about the third condition. "Well," said
Pierre, "you've gotta give me another week to come up with
the five hundred Francs!"
+++++++++++
A psychology professor decided to study the way in which
different people from different parts of Europe have sex
with sheep.
He traveled first to Wales, where he asks a farmer to
explain his method: "Well, boyo, I put her back legs
down my nice green wellies, grab her with me velcro
gloves, and we're well away. Tidy!"
The professor tries Scotland next: "Hoots an' toots man,
I put her back legs down my nice green wellies, grab
her with me velcro gloves, and we're well away. Och aye tha
noo!"
The professor moves on to Germany: "Well, I find the most
efficient way is to grab her with my velcro gloves, and
we're well away.
The professor is noticing a pattern developing, so he
decides to try France, and then end his investigation.
He stops a bloke by the Eiffel tower named Pierre, and
asks him to explain the French method: "Well monsieur,
I put her back legs down my nice green wellies, sling
her front legs over me shoulders, and that's all there
is to it!"
The professor is excited to have found some national
variation and tells Pierre that this is different to
the methods of the Scots, Welsh and Germans. "How do
they do it then?" asks Pierre, and the professor explains.
Pierre on hearing the explanation walks off disgusted.
"What! No kissing?"
+++++++++++
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