Technology

Internet Humor

HOW TO PROTECT YOUR ADDRESS BOOK!

I heard about a computer trick today that's really
ingenious in its simplicity. As you may know,
when/if a worm virus gets into your computer it
heads straight for your e-mail address book, and
sends itself to everyone in there, thus infecting
all your friends and associates.
This trick won't keep the virus from getting into
Your computer, but it will stop it from using your
address book to spread further, and it will alert
you to the fact that the worm has gotten into your
System. That's the good part.

Here's what you do:

First, open your address book and click on "new
contact," just as you would do if you were adding a
new friend to your list of e-mail addresses.

In the window where you would type your friend's
first and last name, type in "A" in both places.

For the screen name or email address, type in......

"AAAAAAA@AAA.AAA" which is not a valid e-mail address.

Now, here's what you've done and why it works:

The "name" "A" will be placed at the top of your
address book as entry #1.

This will be where the worm will start in an effort
to send itself to all your friends.

But, when it tries to send itself to AAAAAAA@AAA.AAA, it will be undeliverable because of the phony e-mail address you entered. If the first attempt fails (which it will because of the phony address), the worm goes no further and your friends will not be infected.

Here's the second great advantage of this method:

If an e-mail cannot be delivered, you will be
notified of this in your In-Box almost immediately.
Hence, if you ever get an e-mail telling you that an
e-mail addressed to AAAAAAA@AAA.AAAA could not be
delivered, you know right away that you have the
worm virus in your system. You can then take steps
to get rid of it!

This may or may not stop all known viruses but it could act as a little more insurance to keep you safe.

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A life? Cool! Where can I download one of those from.

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Searching the Internet ultimately ends in porn.

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Internet is a good way to get into the Net

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1st Law of the Internet states that the answer is on the Internet. Therefore the quest is no longer "Where to find the answer" but "How to word the question".

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A hacker is compulsively curious while a code-cracker is obsessively determined. These personality traits sets them part.

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"It has been said that if you place an infinite amount of monkeys by one typewriter each, one of them will eventually write a literary masterpiece. The Internet has proven that this is not the case."

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Sending a good link to a nice juicy shocker of a website is the net equivalent of bumping into a celebrity or bedding someone desirable. You get massive kudos from your peers. People are impressed. They're suddenly nöt interested in you. They imagine you're some kind of wild Internet frontiersman / treasure hunter for whom the Web is like some small, easily explored patio. You're on a one-man USS Enterprise out on a mission to discover strange new pictures of really fat people and to send them back to entertain us, mere mortals.

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eBay, the online auction site, specifically bans the sale of' and I quote' "soiled underwear". Excuse me? Soiled underwear? Is it just me, or does it strike anyone else as odd that they specifically mention this?

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Personalization: the automatic tailoring of sites and messages to the individuals viewing them so that we can feel that somewhere there's a piece of software that loves us for who we are.

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If you receive an e-mail with a subject of "Badtimes," delete it immediately WITHOUT reading it! This is the most dangerous E-Mail virus yet. It will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it will recalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice cream goes melty, drink all your beer, make you fall in love with a penguin, give you nightmares about circus midgets, leave the toilet seat up and kill your dog.

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Internet people love acronyms because they make communication much more efficient, as we can see from the following typical conversation:

Person A: What's up?
Person B: Not much.
erson A: LOL. HEFY?
Person B: ROTFL.
Person C: PMFJ, but IMHO,
OJIOGBUOLSWMR
TJVAIFWNTMITSI
HDHGCOAC.

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It can take quite a while for a Web page to appear on your screen. The reason for the delay is that, when you type in a Web address, your computer passes it along to another computer, which in turn passes it along to another computer, and so on through as many as 5 computers before it finally reaches the work station of a disgruntled U.S. Postal Service employee, who throws it in the trash.

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Basically, Doom is a (violent) 3D arcade game where you run around in a maze and kill things with shotguns and chainsaws.... After you get tired of killing things, you can run it over a network and kill things together with your friends. After you get tired of that, you can kill your friends.

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"Cyberspace. A consensual hallucination experienced daily by billions of legitimate operators, in every nation, by children being taught mathematical concepts... A graphic representation of data abstracted from the banks of every computer in the human system. Unthinkable complexity. Lines of light ranged in the nonspace of the mind, clusters and constellations of data. Like city lights, receding..."

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On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog.

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Personal Web pages are the '90s equivalent of home video, except that you don't have to visit someone else's house to fall asleep - you can do so in the comfort of your own home.

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The internet is the machine's manifestation of God.

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I had a girlfriend once, but then she changed her screen name...

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Less than 1% of the world population has access to internet; 50% never touched a telephone
Computerworld, 10 June 1996

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SYSOP ('sih sop) n.: the guy laughing at your typing.

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A few of the events at the DEF CON V hacker convention 1997:

    - Hacker jeopardy
    - Free beer
    - The TCP/IP drinking game
    - Radio burst cannon demonstration
    and the famous
    - 5th annual spot the fed contest

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You know you're an email-junkie when...

You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
You start using smileys in your snail mail.
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.

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