A Mexican tried to get into the United States. He was stopped
at the border and questioned as to why he wanted in this
country and how long he would stay.

He told them that he wanted to live there and become a citizen.

The officer said, "Okay, if you use yellow, pink, and green in
a sentence, I will let you in."

The Mexican thought and thought. And he finally said, "The
telephano goes green, green, green. So I pink it up and say
'yellow'!"

------------------------------------------------------------

A Puerto Rican couple had only been married for two weeks. The
husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out
and party with his old buddies, so he says to his new wife,
"Preciosa (precious), I'll be right back."

"Where are you going Papi chulo (sexy baby) ?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Mamasita (sexy woman). I'm going to have
a beer."

The wife says to him, "You want a beer, Mi Amor (my love)?"
Then she opens the door to the refrigerator and shows him 25
different kinds of beer brands from 12 different countries:
Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband doesn't know what to do, and the only thing that
he can think of saying is, "Yes, mi mujer linda (my beautiful
woman), but the bar...you know...the frozen glass..." He didn't
get to finish the sentence, when the wife interrupts him by
saying, "You want a frozen glass, mi precioso?" She takes a
huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting
chills holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, says, "Yes, mi dulce (sweetie),
but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really
delicious. I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise..OK?"

"You want hors d'oeuvres cariño (my love)?" She opens the oven
and takes out 15 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken
wings, pigs in a blanket, mushroom caps, pork strips, etc. "But,
but, querida!! At the bar...you know...the swearing, the dirty
words and all that..."

"You want dirty words mi hombre macho (tough guy)?!?!!

TOMA (take) TU FUCKING CERVEZA IN JOR (your)

FUCKING FROZEN COPA (cup) AND COMÉ (eat)

TU FUCKING SNACKS, PORQUE ('cause) JU (you)
AIN'T GOING NOGWHERE!!! (nowhere)

GOT IT MARICON (faggot)!!"

--------------------------------------------

It was the first day of school for the kindergarten class,

as the teacher walked in the classroom, she noticed

something was written on the chalkboard: "T T T 1A."

She looked at the children and said, "Who wrote this?"

Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "I did, teacher."

"Well, what does that mean, Johnny?" asked the teacher.

Johnny answers, "It means, 'To The Teacher 1 Apple,'"

and with that, he gave the teacher an apple.

"Very good," says the teacher, "Thank You."

The next morning, the teacher walks in the classroom, and

notices, once again, something written on the board. This

time the chalkboard reads: "T T T 1O."

She asked the children, "Who wrote this?"

Then little Bobby answers, "I did, teacher."

The teacher says, "Well, Bobby, what does that mean?"

Bobby says, "It means, 'To The Teacher 1 Orange,'"

and he gives the teacher an orange.

"Very good, Bobby, thank you."

The next morning, she walks in the classroom, and she

noticed on the board "F U C K 1 T."

Disappointed, the teacher exclaimed,

"WHO WROTE THIS!!"

Then little Juan raises his hand and says, "I did, teacher."

Angrily, the teacher asks, "Well, what does this mean, Juan?"

"It means, 'From Us Chicano Kids 1 Tamale.'"

+++++

  
Mrs. Jones was teaching her second grade class how to use
vocabulary words in the form of a sentence. As she began
her lesson, she asked the class, "Who can use the word
'choo choo' in a sentence?"

Little Jennifer, sitting in the front row, wildly waves her
hand until Mrs. Jones calls on her. Jennifer stood up and
said, "The choo choo pulled into the station on time."

"Very good, Jennifer," Mrs. Jones said. "Who else can make
a sentence using the words choo choo?" asked Mrs. Jones.

Little Leroy, sitting towards the back of the class, shyly
raises his hand and Mrs. Jones calls on him. "Da choo choo
is goin' too fast," he says quietly to the class.

"Excellent job, Leroy," states Mrs. Jones. "How about one
more example--Juan, can you create a sentence using the words
choo choo?" asks Mrs. Jones.

"Chure Mrs. Jones," says Juan. "How about: Jou touch my
Chebby an' I'll choo choo!"

--------------------------------------------

Q: What do a Mexican and a cue ball have in common?

A: The harder you hit them, the better their English!

++++

Q: How can you tell Mexicans moved in the neighborhood?

A: The blacks get car insurance!

--------------------------------------------

Some Americans were traveling through Mexico when one of
them saw a man on the ground having a siesta. "Excuse me,
sir," the American said. "Do you know the time?"

The Mexican looked at the American. The he reached over

and held the donkey's balls and appeared to weigh them

in his hand.

"Ten after two," he said, at last.

"My word!" said the American. He caught up to his tour

group and insisted some of the others return with him.

"You've never seen anything like this!" he promised.

The group went back with him. Again he asked for the

time. Again the guy reached for the donkey's balls.

Again, he seemed to be weighing them as he moved

them to and fro. Finally, he announced,

"Twenty-one minutes past two."

The others were amazed. They went on their way, but

the original discoverer of the miracle time-teller

remained. He leaned over,
"Listen," he confided, "I'll give you twenty dollars

if you show me how you do that."

The Mexican thought for a moment and then nodded.

Pocketing the twenty-dollar bill, he beckoned for

the American to kneel down where he was. Then he

took the donkey's balls and gently moved them to the

side out of the way, and said,

Do you see that clock over there?"

------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How does Cuba train their swimmers for the Olympics?

A: They put up a sign at the end of the pool that says
'United States Border'!

--------------------------------------------

The City of Miami advertised for somebody to help rid their
city of a growing rat infestation. A man answered the ad
and showed up, guaranteeing that he could do the job, so he
was put to work.

He started his efforts and opened a box and took out a green
rat. The rat ran all over the city and all of the pesky rats
followed him to an inlet near South Beach. At the last
minute, the green rat jumped aside and all of the Miami's
rats jumped into the inlet and drowned.

When the man went to collect his money, the Mayor said, "I
want to talk to you first." The man said, "I don't want any
bull, I want my money."

"No problem, you will get your money," replied the Mayor.
"I want to know if you have access to a little green Cuban!"

+++++ 

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