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The Rolling Stones circled New York's sprawling Van
Cortlandt Park in a yellow blimp emblazoned with their red
tongue trademark, announcing the onset of their upcoming
tour, a 40th anniversary extravaganza:
According to lead singer Mick Jagger, "Either we stay at
home and become pillars of the community, or we go out and
tour. We couldn't really find any communities that still
needed pillars." Keith Richards piped in.... well, sorry,
but no one could understand what Keith piped in with, as
Ron Wood wiped the drool from his chin.
Some Stones songs have had to be revised for a more
age-appropriate theme:
"Under My Gums"
"Dye It Black"
"Let's Take a Nap Together"
"You Can't Always Get What You Want, Without A
Prescription"
"I Can't Get No . . . Health Insurance"
"Pain in My Heart - Where's My Nitro?"
"Hey! You! Get Off Of My Lawn!"
"Sister Motrin"
"Sleep Fighting Man"
"Help Me Up"
"It's All Over Now, Just Pull The Plug"
"Time Is On My Side (Well, Maybe Not)"
+++++
Music Quotations
"Jazz is there and gone. It happens. You have to be
present for it. That simple." Keith Jarrett
+++
"If you make music for the human needs you have
within yourself, then you do it for all humans
who need the same things. You enrich humanity with
the profound expression of these feelings." Billy Joel
+++
"We're fools whether we dance or not, so we might as
well dance." Japanese proverb
+++
"I believe that music is the most important when the
music stops. When a piece ends, that's when I really
measure what effect it had on me or those who heard
it." Michael Tilson Thomas
+++
"It is the pull of opposite poles that stretches souls.
And only stretched souls make music." Eric Hoffer
+++
"Music is the voice of the universe, it is the voice of
humanity and is part of our existence. Good music is
the harmonization of all the vibrations of which matter
consists, and it restores us to ourselves and to our
universe. It is the bond that we have between our own
frequencies and those frequencies which vibrate millions
of light years away. I have always felt that music is
basically therapeutic." Yehudi Menuhin
+++
"You can't be afraid of stepping on toes if you want to
go dancing." Lewis Freedman
+++
"Music is purposeless play, an affirmation of life, not
an attempt to bring order out of chaos nor to suggest
improvements in creation, but simply a way of waking up
to the very life we're living." John Cage
+++
"More than art, more than literature, music is
universally accessible." Billy Joel
+++
"There is something primitive about being close to live
music. What makes it work is that people are inherently
eager for intimacy." Buddy Charles
+++
"If you keep a green bough in your heart, then the
singing bird will come." Chinese Proverb
+++
"That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest."
Henry David Thoreau
+++
"Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings
to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety
to life and to everything. Music and rhythm find their way
into the secret places of the soul." Plato
+++
"Some songs are just like tattoos for your brain. You hear
them and they're affixed to you." Carlos Santana
+++
"To draw, you must close your eyes and sing." Pablo Picasso
+++
"Making the simple complicated is commonplace; making the
complicated simple, awesomely simple, that's creativity."
Charlie Mingus
+++
"The best thing about music is that when it hits, you feel
no pain." Bob Marley
+++
"Good music is very close to primitive language."
Denis Diderot, philosopher (1713-1784)
+++
"I'm always thinking about creating. My future starts
when I wake up every morning . . . Every day I find
something creative to do with my life. I'll play it first
and tell you what it is later. Bebop was about change, about
evolution. It wasn't about standing still and becoming safe.
If anybody wants to keep creating they have to be about
change. A legend is an old man with a cane known for what he
used to do. I'm still doing it." Miles Davis
+++
"The most perfect technique is that which is not noticed at all."
Pablo Casals, cellist, conductor, and composer (1876-1973)
+++
"I can look at a fine photograph and sometimes I can hear music"
Ansel Adams
+++
"Music is the art of thinking with sounds." Jules Combarie
+++
"Why do I love songs? It's three minutes of condensed storytelling,
of trying to collect your thoughts lyrically, musically and
emotionally, and when it works there's nothing on earth like it.
Think about it: Airwaves of sound move the little hairs and bones
in your body, enter your brain and make your neurons fire off
skyrockets. No matter how much you look at the math of it, it is
beautiful, it is mystical beyond words. I only have to think about
a song like `Waterloo Sunset' and my physiology changes. What's not
to love about that?" Jon Brion
+++
"Dance to the music of your dreams, the steps will bring you joy."
Unknown
+++
"Like music and art, love of nature is a common language that can
transcend political or social boundaries." Jimmy Carter (An Outdoor
Journal)
+++
"Take time to laugh. It is the music of the soul." from an old Irish
prayer
+++
"Nature's music is never over; her silences are pauses, not conclusions."
Mary Webb (The Spring of Joy)
+++
"I have peace of mind, because I want only five things out of life and
music: beauty, elegance, excellence, grace and dignity." Carlos Santana
+++
"Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will
find that it is to the soul what the water bath is to the body."
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr., US Supreme Court Justice (1841-1935)
+++
"It is the pull of opposite poles that stretches souls. And only stretched
souls make music." Eric Hoffer
+++
 
REPLACEMENTS FOR THE FRENCH NATIONAL ANTHEM:
"Runaway" by Del Shannon,
"Walk Right In" by the Rooftop Singers,
"Everybody's Somebody's" Fool by Connie Francis,
"Running Scared" by Roy Orbison,
"I Really Don't Want to Know" by Tommy Edwards,
"Surrender" by Elvis Presley,
"Save It For Me" by The Four Seasons,
"Live and Let Die" by Wings,
"I'm Leaving It All Up To You" by Donny and Marie Osmond,
"What a Fool Believes" by the Doobie Brothers,
"Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin
"Raise Your Hands" by Jon Bon Jovi
+++++
Chanukah Songs That Never Quite Caught On
- Oy to the World
- Schlepping through a Winter Wonderland
- Hava Negilah - The Megamix
- Bubbie Yetta Got Run Over by a Reindeer
- Enough with those God Damn Jingle Bells Already...Sheez!
- Matzo Man (by the Lower East Side Village People)
- I Have a Little Dreidel (the Barking Dog Version)
- Come on Baby, Light My Menorah
- Deck the Halls with Balls of Matzos
- Silent Night? I Should Be So Lucky
+++++++
A Few Of My Favorite Things
Maalox and nosedrops and needles for knittin',
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittin's,
All those old magazines tied up with string,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs, cataracts, hearing aids, glasses,
Polident, Fixodent, false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts, and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad...
Then I remember my favorite things...
And then I don't feel so bad.
Hot tea and crumpets, and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or no food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heat pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin'.
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames...
When we remember our favorite things.
When the joints ache,
When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had...
And then I don't feel so bad.
THEN I REMEMBER THE GREAT LIFE I'VE HAD...
AND THEN I DON'T FEEL -------- SOOOO BAAAAD!
+++++++++
THESE ARE ACTUAL ANSWERS FROM STUDENTS ON MUSIC EXAMS
The principal singer of nineteenth century opera was called pre-Madonna.
It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and shake
him in rhythm.
Gregorian chant has no music, just singers singing the same lines.
Sherbet composed the Unfinished Symphony.
All female parts were sung by castrati. We don't know exactly what they
sounded like because there are no known descendants.
Young scholars have expressed their rapture for the Bronze Lullaby, the Taco
Bell Cannon, Beethoven's Erotica, Tchaikovsky Cracknutter Suite, and Gershwin's
Rap City in Blue.
Music sung by two people at the same time is called a duel; if they sing
without music it is called Acapulco.
A virtuoso is a musician with real high morals.
Contralto is a low sort of music that only ladies sing.
Diatonic is a low calorie Schweppes.
Probably the most marvelous fugue was the one between the Hatfields and the
McCoys.
A harp is a nude piano.
++++++++
 
The Meanings of Music Terms for Country Music
Musical Terms Commonly Misunderstood by Country-Western Musicians, With Their
Translated "Country" Definitions:
Diminished Fifth -- An empty bottle of Jack Daniels
Perfect Fifth -- A full bottle of Jack Daniels
Relative Major -- An uncle in the Marine Corps
Relative Minor -- A girlfriend
Big Band -- When the bar pays enough to bring two banjo players
Pianissimo -- "Refill this beer bottle"
Repeat -- What you do until they just expel you
Treble -- Women ain't nothin' but treble
Bass -- The things you run around in softball
Portamento -- A foreign country you've always wanted to see
Conductor -- The man who punches your ticket to Birmingham
Arpeggio -- "Ain't he that storybook kid with the big nose that grows?"
Tempo -- Good choice for a used car
A 440 -- The highway that runs around Nashville
Transpositions -- Men who wear dresses
Cut Time -- Parole
Order of Sharps -- What a wimp gets at the bar
Passing Tone -- Frequently heard near the baked beans at family barbecues
Middle C -- The only fruit drink you can afford when food stamps are low
Perfect Pitch -- The smooth coating on a freshly paved road
Tuba -- A compound word: "Hey, woman! Fetch me another tuba Bryll Cream!"
Cadenza -- That ugly thing your wife always vacuums dog hair off of when company
comes
Whole Note -- What's due after failing to pay the mortgage for a year
Clef -- What you try never to fall off of
Bass Clef -- Where you wind up if you do fall off
Altos -- Not to be confused with "Tom's toes," "Bubba's toes," or "Dori-toes"
Minor Third -- Your approximate grade at the completion of formal schooling
Melodic Minor -- Loretta Lynn's singing dad
12-Tone Scale -- The thing the State Police weigh your tractor trailer truck
with
Quarter Tone -- What most standard pickups can haul
Sonata -- What you get from a bad cold or hay fever
Clarinet -- Name used on your second daughter if you've already used Betty Jo
+++++++++
Song Remakes
Ever wonder how classic rock songs would change if the artists decided
to re-do them, updating the title to reflect their current lives?
The Top 14 Song Titles if the Artists Re-Made Them Today
14. The Eagles -- "Pantsful, Queasy Feeling"
13. Van Halen -- "Limp!"
12. Aretha Franklin -- "D-E-P-E-N-D-S"
11. Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young -- "Suite: Betty Ford Clinic"
10. The Rolling Stones -- "(I Can't Get No) Satisfactory Erection"
9. The Who -- "(Talkin' 'Bout) My Operation"
8. Rod Stewart -- "Tonight's The Night (If The Viagra's Alright)"
7. Led Zeppelin -- "Chairlift To Heaven"
6. Three Dog Night -- "Jeremiah was a Bud Frog..."
5. James Brown -- "Papa's Got A Brand New Colostomy Bag"
4. Elton John -- "Saturday Night's All Right For Bingo"
3. Edwin Starr -- "Limited Engagement With No Clear Exit Strategy!
What Is It Good For?!"
2. Yes -- "Owner of a Bypassed Heart"
1. Men at Work -- "Why Can't I Pee Now?"
++++++++
Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same
day, were led down to the room in which they would meet their
maker. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech
had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said
among the participants. The Warden, turning to the first man,
solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"
To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love dance music.
Could you please play The Macarena for me one last time?"
"Certainly," replied the warden. He turned to the other man
and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final
request?"
"Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."
+++++
 
Readers of New York magazine were asked to invent country-song titles.
Here are some entries:
I Lost My Honey Bunny On A Bad Hare Day
Ain't No Trash In My Trailer Since The Night I Threw You Out
You Wanted To Get Hitched, But My Heart Is Filled With Whoa
Baked My Sweetie A Pie, But He Left With A Tart
She Chews Tobacco, But She Didn't Choose Me
The Peach I Picked In Georgia Didn't Cling To Me For Long
Don't Want That Floozy In My Jacuzzi
I Found The Recipe For Heartbreak In A Cookbook On Your Shelf
Now That We're Miserable, I Hope You're Happy
+++++++++
 
NEWLY REVISED GOLDEN OLDIES
Great news for people who have turned 29 ... fifteen years
in a row! Some of the old favorite singers and bands have
re-released their great hits with new titles and lyrics to
accommodate their aging audience.
Some examples:
Herman's Hermits:
"Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker"
The Rolling Stones:
"You Can't Always Pee When You Want"
Credence Clearwater Revival:
"Bad Prune Rising"
Marvin Gaye:
"I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts"
The Who:
"Talkin' 'Bout My Medication"
The Troggs:
"Bald Thing"
Carly Simon:
"You're So Varicose Vein"
The Bee Gees:
"How Can You Mend a Broken Hip"
Roberta Flack:
"The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face"
Johnny Nash:
"I Can't See Clearly Now"
The Temptations:
"Papa Got a Kidney Stone"
ABBA:
"Denture Queen"
Leo Sayer:
"You Make Me Feel Like Napping"
Commodores:
"Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom"
Procol Harem:
"A Whiter Shade of Hair"
The Beatles:
"I Get By With a Little Help From Depends"
+++++++
 
Songs If You are Over 40 ....
Carly Simon - You're So Varicose Vein
The Bee Gees - How Can You Mend a Broken Hip
Roberta Flack - The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face
Johnny Nash - I Can't See Clearly Now
The Temptations - Papa Got a Kidney Stone
Nancy Sinatra - These Boots Give Me Arthritis
ABBA - Denture Queen
Leo Sayer - You Make Me Feel Like Napping
Commodores - Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom
Procol Harum - A Whiter Shade of Hair
The Beatles - I Get By with a Little Help From Depends
Steely Dan - Rikki Don't Lose Your Car Keys
Herman's Hermits - Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker
The Rolling Stones - You Can't Always Pee When You Want
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Bad Prune Rising
Marvin Gaye - I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts
The Who - Talkin' 'Bout My Medication
The Troggs - Bald Thing....
+++++++
A man walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a beer. Taking a sip, he sets it down, but while he's looking around the bar, a monkey runs along the bar and steals the pint of beer from him. The man asks the bartender who owns the monkey, and the bartender points to the piano player.
The man walks over to the piano and says, "Do you know your monkey stole my beer?"
"No," the pianist replies, "but if you hum it, I'll play it."
+++++++
 
THE TOP 14 UNPUBLISHED BEATLES SONGS
14. Got to Get You Off of My Wife
13. She Came In Thru John's Fragile Ego
12. She's A Woman (Who Was A Man)
11. Can't Buy Me Love (But Can Rent It By The Hour For
300 Big Ones!)
10. Polythene Pam Anderson
9. Crackbird
8. Lucy In The Sky With Linus
7. Eleanor Furby
6. All You Need Is Drugs
5. Nor-Region Woody
4. She Came In Through The Whitehouse Window
3. While My Guitar Gently Fetches £150,000 At Auction
2. I Wanna Hold You, Hans
1. Lay Me, Madonna
~~~~~
Top 25 Country Songs....
25. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye.
24. Her Teeth Was Stained, But Her Heart Were Pure.
23. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
22. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling.
21. I Just Bought A Car From A Guy That Stole My Girl, But The Car Don't Run So I Figure We're Even.
20. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You.
19. I Liked You Better Before I Knew You So Well.
18. I Still Miss You, Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.
17. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.
16. I'll Marry You Tomorrow But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.
15. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here
14. I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lyin' On My Back and Cryin' Over You.
13. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.
12. If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.
11. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head).
10. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You.
9. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him.
8. Please Bypass This Heart.
7. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.
6. You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat.
5. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly.
4. If the Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me.
3. She's Actin' Single and I'm Drinkin' Doubles.
2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer.
And the Number 1 Country and Western song of all Time is...
1. I Haven't Gone To Bed With Any Ugly Women But I've Sure Woke Up With A Few
++++++++++
 
When the moon hits your eye
Like a big pizza pie
That's amore.
When an eel bites your hand
and that's not what you planned
That's a moray.
When our habits are strange
and our customs deranged
That's our mores.
When your horse munches straw
And the bales total four
That's some more hay.
When Othello's poor wife
She gets stabbed with a knife
That's a Moor, eh?
When a Japanese knight
Used a sword in a fight
That's Samurai.
++++++
GIVE ME SOME GOOD 'OL COUNTRY MUSIC......
These are actual song titles......
You Stuck My Heart In a Old Tin Can and Shot It Off a Log
He's Been Drunk Since His Wife's Gone Punk
The Next Time You Throw That Fryin' Pan, My Face Ain't Gonna Be There
I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral
I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose
Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are
Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
+++++++
 
The Top 17 Songs About Osama bin Laden
17> Bomb Drops Keep Fallin' on my Head
16> Ain't No Mountain High Enough, or With Enough Caves
15> Taliban on the Run
14> Jalalabad Moon Risin'
13> Fifty Ways to Leave Your Bunker
12> Freebeard
11> Allah Said Knock You Out
10> The Goatest Love of All
9> Don't Cry for Me, Al Qaeda
8> I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (So I Cut Off Her Hands
and Publicly Stoned Her to Death)
7> Meet'yer Mak'er
6> Grandmullah Got Run Over By a Reindeer
5> Pretty Fly for a Soon-to-be Dead Guy
4> The Night They Drove Ol' Deadhead Down
3> He Ain't Heavy, Which is Good Because Someone's Going to
Have to Carry His Lifeless Body a Substantial Distance
2> (Sleepin' in the) Back of the Cave
and the Number 1 Song About Osama bin Laden...
1> Cheney's Got a Gun
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White]
++++++
 
Two men, sentenced to die in the electric chair on the same
day, were led down to the room in which they would meet their
maker. The priest had given them last rites, the formal speech
had been given by the warden, and a final prayer had been said
among the participants. The Warden, turning to the first man,
solemnly asked, "Son, do you have a last request?"
To which the man replied, "Yes sir, I do. I love music.
Could you please play for me Celine Dion's song from the
Titanic movie one last time?"
"Certainly," replied the warden. He turned to the other man
and asked, "Well, what about you, son? What is your final
request?"
"Please," said the condemned man, "kill me first."
++++++
Top 10 Songs for People Over 40
10. Lets Get a Physical
9. Ain't No Burrito Mild Enough
8. Johnny B. Olde
7. How Do You Mend a Broken Everything
6. The Lack O' Motion
5. Hair Potion Number Nine
4. Doctor My Eyes (And Ears and Joints and Back and...)
3. To All the Girls I've Disappointed Before
2. A Hard Day's Nap
And the Number One Song for People Over 40...
1. Knock Knock Knockin' on the Bathroom Door
++++++++++
A musician who's spent his whole life trying to break it
into the big time is feeling very depressed. He's been
turned down by every single Record company in the country,
and no-one seems to recognise his unique genius other
than his Mum.
So he decides to top himself, and dreams up an ingenious
plan to get back on all the institutions who've rejected
him all his life.
He goes into a Recording Studio and tells the engineer to
record exactly what he says, and then copy it onto 1000 CDs,
and send them out to all the Record Execs in the country.
He goes into the Vocal Booth, the Red light goes on, and
he begins; "This is a message to all you sycaphantic,
talentless bastards who've ignored me all these years.
I dedicated my life to writing beautiful, emotive, soul-
touching music, and all you wankers do is bin my tapes and
sign pretty-boy bands and the Spice Girls. Well, I've taken
all I can of your purile, shallow industry, and it's YOU
who've driven me to it!!! Bye-bye, murderers of Art!!"
With that, he pulled out a gun and sprayed his brains all
over the Studio wall.
The sound engineer glanced up and said, "...yep,..okay -
that's fine for level. Wanna go for a take?"
++++++++
 The greatest Country-Western song titles of all time!
Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed
Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
I Wanna Whip Your Cow
I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck
I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line
If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My
Heart
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out
When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly
I'm So Horny It's Almost Like Having You Here.
++++++
OCCUPATIONAL HYMNS
The Dentist's Hymn.............Crown Him With Many Crowns
The Weatherman's Hymn..........There Shall Be Showers of Blessing
The Contractor's Hymn..........The Church's One Foundation
The Tailor's Hymn..............Holy, Holy, Holy
The Golfer's Hymn..............There is A Green Hill Far Away
The Politician's Hymn..........Standing on the Promises
The Optometrist's Hymn.........Open My Eyes That I Might See
The IRS Agent's Hymn...........I Surrender All
The Gossip's Hymn..............Pass It On
The Electrician's Hymn.........Send the Light
The Shopper's Hymn.............Sweet By and By
The Realtor's Hymn.........I've Got A Mansion Just Over the Hilltop
The Pilot's Hymn...............I'll Fly Away
The Paramedic's Hymn...........Revive Us Again
The Judge's Hymn...............Almost Persuaded
The Psychiatrist's Hymn........Just a Little Talk With Jesus
The Architect's Hymn...........How Firm A Foundation
The Credit Card Telemarketer's Hymn.....A Charge To Keep I Have
The Zookeeper's Hymn...........All Creatures of Our God & King
The Postal Worker's Hymn.......So Send I You
The Waiter's Hymn..............Fill My Cup, Lord
The Gardener's Hymn............Lo, How A Rose E'er Blooming
The Lifeguard's Hymn...........Rescue the Perishing
The Criminal's Hymn............Search Me, O God
The Baker's Hymn...............When the Roll Is Called Up Yonder
The Shoe Repairer's Hymn.......It Is Well With My Soul
The Travel Agent's Hymn........Anywhere With Jesus
The Geologist's Hymn...........Rock of Ages
The Haematologist's Hymn.......Are You Washed in the Blood?
The Mens' Wear Clerk's Hymn....Blest Be the Tie
The Umpire's Hymn..............I Need No Other Argument
The Librarian's Hymn...........Whispering Hope
++++++++
 
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