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Humor from Sarah Palin
& her Friends
"Sarah Palin spoke out this week against the health
care reform bill, saying, 'Elections have consequences.' Well, of course,
elections have consequences. That's why right now, instead of being vice
president of the
United States
, she's trying to get a reality show on the Animal Planet." –Jay Leno
"On Saturday, Sarah Palin looked at notes
written on her hand during a speech at the Tea Party Convention in
Tennessee
. Isn't that wild? Oddly enough, she was reading, 'Hi, I'm Sarah Palin.'"
--Jimmy Fallon
Unfortunately, Palin was unable to respond to the criticism, because she was
wearing gloves." -Jimmy Kimmel
"Maybe Sarah Palin would be smarter if she had bigger hands." -Jimmy
Kimmel
"It's a great day for Sarah Palin. She was hired as a commentator
for Fox News. She signed a multi-year contract, which means she'll probably
quit after a year." -Craig Ferguson
"Sarah Palin, former governor of
Alaska
, is going to be part of the Fox News team. So, yeah. Finally, finally, her
years of reading all those newspapers and magazines have really paid off. This
should balance things out over there at Fox News. I can see that coming from my
house." -David Letterman
 
"Some critics are saying that Palin won't last on Fox
because she's an over-emotional woman who gets the facts wrong. But I disagree.
It's working great for Glenn Beck, so she'll be fine." -Craig Ferguson
"Sarah Palin was photographed in
Hawaii
this week wearing a 'McCain
for President' visor, but she had blacked out the letters of her former
running mate's name. She was going to black out all of it, but halfway through,
she quit." -Seth Meyers
"Sarah Palin's book is number one on Amazon.com right now. Stephen King
actually has the number two book. Very scary new book called 'Sarah Palin
Becomes President.'" -Jimmy Kimmel (Read more Sarah
Palin book jokes)
"In Sarah Palin's new book, she says when she first laid eyes on her future
husband, she said out loud, 'Thank you, God,' which is the same thing the
Democrats said when they first laid eyes on Sarah Palin." -Conan O'Brien
"Former governor of
Alaska
, Sarah Palin, is promoting her new book and she's going to appear on the Oprah
Winfrey Show. Sarah and Oprah. On the one hand, a very powerful woman qualified
to be President of the
United States
, and on the other hand, you have Sarah." –David Letterman
"But if you think about it, Sarah Palin and Oprah Winfrey have a lot in
common. They both helped get Obama elected." –David Letterman
"Sarah Palin's book is big, 400 pages. She wrote the book herself and
agonized over every word, and so will you." --David Letterman
"Sarah Palin's new autobiography doesn't come out until November, but it is
already No. 1 on Amazon. And if you go to the website, it says, 'People who
bought this book also bought no other books in their entire life.'" --Jimmy
Fallon
"This week Sarah Palin's memoir became a bestseller. It's not even out yet.
It's being translated in English." --Bill Maher
 
"Sarah Palin's 400-page memoir is going to be released on November 17th,
and it's called 'Going Rogue: An American Life.' And critics say that it starts
out okay, it get's really exciting and then confusing, and then the last 100
pages are blank." --Jimmy Fallon
"The book costs $24.99, but it has a $5,000 jacket." --Jimmy Fallon
"People in
Alaska
are looking forward to Sarah Palin's memoir. They're already calling it 'The
Book to Nowhere.'" --David Letterman
"According to a new poll, 42% of Americans say they would vote for Sarah
Palin for president in 2012. They also said they'd support her decision to step
down in 2013." --Conan O'Brien
"As I watched the press conference, I realized finally we have a candidate
for the people who loved George Bush's certainty but were bothered by his
rationality and executive experience." --Jon Stewart, on Sarah Palin's resignation
"Friends of Governor Palin are saying that she is resigning because she is
tired of attacks from the media. Thank God I didn't say
anything." --David Letterman
"Since resigning as governor, many say Sarah Palin is now going to spend
some time working on her memoirs. Alaskans are saying they can't wait to start
reading Palin's memoirs and then quit halfway through." --Conan O'Brien
"In a recent study, the
United States
was ranked the 114th happiest country in the world. Then Sarah Palin stepped
down. Now we're at 17." --Conan O'Brien
 
"Now how about this, ladies and gentlemen? The Governor of Alaska, Sarah
Palin, has announced she is stepping down. She will no longer be the Governor of
Alaska. First thing, she woke up and went out on her porch and waved goodbye to Russia."
--David Letterman
"It's an emotional day. A lot of us are still mourning the loss of one of
America
's most entertaining figures, who left us all too soon. But don't worry, folks,
Sarah Palin will be back. Comedians everywhere are praying." --Conan
O'Brien
"And people are puzzled by this. They say, 'Well Governor, Sarah, what are
you going to do? What's going to happen?' And insiders believe that she hopes to
be the next 'Octomom.' But I don't know." --David Letterman
"There was a surprising announcement over the weekend. The governor of
Alaska
, Sarah Palin, is leaving office. She's stepping down. Something I
said?" --David Letterman
"President Obama right now is in
Russia
. Obama went there because from
Russia
you can actually see Sarah Palin cleaning out her office in
Alaska
." --Conan O'Brien
"I was talking to a lady here in the audience, she was from
Alaska
and we were wondering about this. How does a thing like this work? She steps
down and she's no longer the governor of
Alaska
. And we figured it out: Miss Congeniality steps up and is now the governor of
Alaska
." --David Letterman
"A lot of public figures do this. When you have trouble, you blame the
media. And today as a matter of fact she was up in a helicopter shooting Wolf
Blitzer." --David Letterman
 
"Over the weekend Sarah Palin shocked the country by
resigning as governor of
Alaska
. Yeah, Republicans aren't sure who is going to fill her role in the party, but
they are in talks with several of the Real Housewives of New Jersey."
--Conan O'Brien
"This is weird, in her resignation speech, Sarah Palin said she polled her
children on whether she should resign and the county was unanimous. Yeah, even
her children thought she was in over her head." --Conan O'Brien
"I'll tell you, to be honest, I was quite nervous about this whole thing.
And I was really nervous about an apology
to Sarah Palin. So what I did to get my confidence up, to get my nerves to
settle down, I rehearsed by apologizing to Tina
Fey." --David Letterman
"You know who was in town this weekend, went to a Yankee game? Sarah Palin
... One awkward moment, though, during the game. Maybe you heard about it, maybe
you saw it on one of the highlight reels, one awkward moment for Sarah Palin at
the Yankee game. During the seventh inning, her daughter
was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez." --David Letterman (Read
about the controversy over this joke)
"Sarah Palin made a speech in Alaska and she said that the money the
federal government is sending to states to help bail out, well that's not good,
because that's the federal government getting in there and trying to 'control
people.' Yes that's right, Sarah, it's all about the Federal Reserve making your
daughter use a condom." --Bill Maher
"Sarah Palin is all over the news lately. She told Matt Lauer on the
'Today' show that, yes, the rumors were true, on election night she did want to
deliver her own concession speech and she was disappointed that she couldn't.
Well, she shouldn't feel bad. Wait till 2012. Deliver it then." --Jay Leno
"This is true, according to a new report, I was reading this today in the
paper, thousands of pregnant mothers in this country are planning to name their
baby Barack. That's true. Yeah, after hearing this, Sarah Palin told
Bristol
, 'Don't even think about it.'" --Conan O'Brien
"Well, according to a new post-election survey, people want Sarah Palin to
run for president in 2012. It says she's been getting thousands of calls from
people pleading with her to run, all Democrats." --Jay Leno
"Of course, everybody now is speculating what the future of the GOP will
be. GOP now stands for, of course, 'Ganging up on Palin.'" --Jay Leno
"Sarah Palin thinks the alphabet has 22 letters. She's so dumb she thinks
the capital of
China
is
Chinatown
. Sarah Palin is so dumb, she thinks billboards are postcards from giants. The
governor of
Alaska
is so dumb, she thinks soy milk is Spanish for 'I am milk.'" --"Daily
Show" correspondent Wyatt Cenac
"Of course, a lot of famous sound bites will be remembered for this
campaign. There were some good ones. Barack Obama saying, what was his one? Oh,
'We are the change that we seek.' John McCain saying, 'I would rather lose an
election than lose a war.' Sarah Palin saying, 'Do you have this in size
6?'" --Jay Leno
"President-elect Barack
Obama spent the day thanking the people who helped him win the election.
Yeah, and actually, Obama's first phone call was to Sarah Palin. He sent her
flowers." --Conan O'Brien
"How about Sarah Palin, ladies and gentlemen. Right now on her way back to
Alaska
. And I'm thinking oh, I wouldn't want to be a moose now. But on the bright
side, at least now Tina
Fey can spend Saturdays with her family again, so that's a good deal."
--David Letterman
"People all over the world are celebrating Barack Obama's victory. In fact,
Sarah Palin watched the Russians celebrating from her house." --David
Letterman
"Sources from the McCain campaign are starting to talk. And they said today
that when they were prepping Sarah Palin for the debates, they found out that
she thought
Africa
was a country, not a continent. Now, to be fair to Sarah Palin, it is hard to
see
Africa
from
Alaska
." --Conan O'Brien
"You know who is really, really happy that John
McCain did not win last night? The boyfriend of Sarah Palin's daughter. He
doesn't have to get married now. 'Whew, thank God!'" --Jay Leno
"Actually, Sarah Palin was pretty upset last night. Did you see her? Yeah,
well, she wasn't upset because she lost. Now she's got to give all of her
clothes back." --Jay Leno
"A lot of speculation about Sarah Palin's future, but last night, she
denied rumors that she's getting ready to run for president in 2012. Palin said,
'That's a long time away. I'll be a great-grandmother by then.'" --Conan
O'Brien
"Sarah Palin made three campaign stops today: Saks, Nieman Marcus and
Bloomingdales." --Jay Leno
"I guess there seems to be some trouble brewing between Sarah Palin and
John McCain. McCain aides say that Sarah Palin is 'going rogue' and not taking
advice or notes from the McCain campaign. They say it is hard to keep her from
going off script and making statements that hurt the campaign. It's gotten so
bad, her Secret Service codename is now 'Joe
Biden.'" --Jay Leno
"Here's how it works. Election is Tuesday. And then Wednesday is the first
day of Sarah
Palin's 2012 campaign." --David Letterman
"You know what? This always happens in politics. Sarah Palin, when she gets
on the ticket, everybody is going, whoa, how about this? Come on. Look out. Here
we go. We got us something here, you know. Now everything has turned around.
McCain staffers are saying Sarah Palin has turned into a diva and is making diva
demands. Here's what they're talking about. A couple of days ago, Lenscrafters
had to stay open after hours so Sarah could shop alone. Today, she hit a speech
writer with her cell phone." --David Letterman
 
"According to expense reports, Sarah Palin charged the
state of
Alaska
over $21,000 for her children to travel with her on official business. In
fairness to Gov. Palin, when she leaves them home alone they get pregnant."
--Seth Meyers
"
Alaska
's largest newspaper has endorsed
Barack Obama despite the fact that their governor is Sarah Palin. Luckily
for Palin, it's one of the 500 newspapers she doesn't read." --Conan
O'Brien
"Sarah
Palin is taking heat because the Republican National Committee has so far
spent $150,000 on wardrobe for her and her family. She spent $50,000 at
Saks Fifth Avenue
, $75,000 at Neiman Marcus and about $5,000 on hair and makeup. Hey,
representing small town, common-folk hockey moms isn't cheap, folks."
--Jimmy Kimmel
"Sarah Palin was asked a question by a third grader and she got it wrong.
She apparently still does not know what the vice president does ... She says he
or she runs the Senate. No, not in this country. You know I would never accuse George
Bush of being a bright man, but when he was elected, at least he knew which
building to show up to." --Bill Maher
"Naturally the smart thing to do to solve your economic woes is to demonize
the Democrats. And of course, Sarah Palin is more than happy to oblige. She's
been saying that Obama hangs out with terrorists. And you know, I think the
evangelical lady who's in a video
getting blessed by a witch doctor, who's married to a secessionist, and
can't name a newspaper -- she's right, Obama is scary." --Bill Maher
"It turns out that Joe is not a licensed plumber, he had to admit that he's
'not even close' to buying the plumbing business, the business does not bring in
$250,000 to $280,000 like he said, and his name isn't even Joe -- it's Sam.
Turns out the only true thing about 'Joe the Plumber' is 'the.'" He's the
Sarah Palin of plumbing." --Jimmy Kimmel
"The legislative panel in
Alaska
investing Troopergate released their report that says Sarah Palin illegally
abused her power as governor by firing the state police chief because he
wouldn't fire her sister's ex-husband. But they said she didn't actually break
the law so she won't go to prison. Which is a pity because it would have been
the first time she was ever involved in a complete
sentence." --Bill Maher
"The question she keeps asking at all of the rallies is, 'Who is Barack
Obama?' You know what, genius, maybe if you'd picked up a newspaper in the last
year you'd know. He's the guy who's kicking your ass." --Bill Maher
"Are you excited about Sarah Palin? Well, yesterday
she referred to
Afghanistan
as our neighboring country. Apparently, she can see bin Laden's cave from her
house." --David Letterman
"In Boca Raton, Florida, yesterday, a woman who looked like Sarah Palin
caused a near riot when she walked into a diner for breakfast. And after a
minute or two, people finally realized it wasn't her when she started answering
questions." --Jay Leno
"During the debate the other night, the moderator asked Sarah Palin to
describe her Achilles heel, but instead of talking about her biggest weakness,
she talked about her greatest strength, which apparently is not answering
questions." --Jay Leno
"During the debate, Palin winked, wrinkled her nose, and gave a shout-out
to a third-grade class. Well, you know, that says commander-in-chief to me right
there. You betcha!" --David Letterman
"Political experts are saying that to succeed in the vice presidential
debate, Sarah Palin needs to show that she has the same concerns as everyday
Americans. For instance, Palin planned to start the debate by saying she's
really troubled by John McCain's choice for vice president." --Conan
O'Brien
"Sarah Palin right now is training for tomorrow night's vice presidential
debate in
Arizona
. And she says it has really helped her on foreign policy, because from
Arizona
she can see
Mexico
." --David Letterman
"Meanwhile the big question that I don't know if anyone has asked yet --
while Sarah Palin's yammering it up with Joe Biden in St. Louis, who's keeping
an eye on the Russians? What happens if Putin
decides to rear his head?" --Jimmy Kimmel
"Have you been watching the Sarah Palin interview with Katie Couric on the
'CBS Evening News'? Pretty interesting. Sarah Palin could not remember the name
of a newspaper or a magazine that she reads. And I was thinking, wow, we could
possibly have a leader of the country who doesn't read. And then I thought,
well, hell it's worked pretty good for George
Bush." --David Letterman
"Even though Governor Palin is not expected to do particularly well in
tomorrow night's debate, she is favored heavily in Friday night's swimsuit
competition." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Sarah Palin, she's getting ready for tomorrow's debate. I understand she
now knows all three branches of government." --Jay Leno
 
"Political activists are now saying, if Sarah Palin does not do well
tomorrow in the debate, she will voluntarily step down from the ticket by
Friday. So far, there have been over 2 million emails and phone calls, urging
her to stay. All from Tina
Fey." --Jay Leno
"I don't know if Palin is ready. You know you're in trouble, debating like
this, you know you're in trouble when your debate goal is to do as well as Dan
Quayle did." --David Letterman
"We have the big vice presidential debate coming up on Thursday, and Sarah
Palin is busy preparing. Right now, for example, she is practicing her caribou-caught-in-the-lights
look." --David Letterman
"Actually, Sarah Palin is currently rehearsing for the debate, but insiders
tell me it's not going that well because she keeps saying, 'I'd like to buy a
vowel, Pat.'" --David Letterman
"Republicans are blaming Nancy Pelosi for the bailout not going through.
Democrats are blaming it on an incomplete proposal by the Republicans. John
McCain is blaming Barack
Obama. Barack Obama is blaming John McCain. And Sarah Palin is praying
nobody asks her what's going on." --Jay Leno
"Critics are still analyzing Sarah Palin's interview
with Katie Couric last week, and they're saying she was halting, repetitive
and stumped on basic questions. Yeah, in other words, Palin appeared very
presidential." --Conan O'Brien
"Sarah Palin actually watched the debates very closely. Actually she
watched with one eye the debate and the other eye across on
Russia
, because you never know." --Jay Leno
 
"Hugh Hefner is entering the fray. Hugh Hefner has
asked Sarah Palin to pose nude for Playboy magazine. Yeah, and Palin said she'd
agree to pose for Playboy as long as there's no interview." --Conan O'Brien
"Hugh Hefner has asked Sarah Palin to pose naked for Playboy. Because right
know, you know, she's busy posing as a vice-presidential candidate. Actually,
think about that, if she did do it, she could be the first Playmate on a
bear-skin rug she shot herself." --Jay Leno
"A farmer in
Ohio
has carved a corn
maze in his field in the likeness of Sarah Palin. The way it works? You you
enter and suddenly realize you're way over your head." --Amy Poehler
"President
Bush met with John McCain and Barack Obama. John McCain showed up without
running mate Sarah Palin, which is a shame because she actually has a lot of
experience with financial matters. You know, she lives right next to a
bank." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin is in town. John McCain
took her over to the U.N. to introduce her to all the world leaders. It looked
like Take Your Daughter to Work Day." --David Letterman
"And all this week, the McCain campaign is trying to prevent Sarah Palin
from talking to reporters covering the news, you know? They said, 'you can take
her picture, but you can't ask her any questions.' What is she running for, vice
president or '
America
's Next Top Model'?" --Jay Leno
"Everybody is trying to find out more about Sarah Palin. Someone was able
to hack into Sarah Palin's Yahoo! email account because she hadn't taken the
proper security measures. Yeah. So, folks, it's official. No one in the Palin
family uses protection." --Conan O'Brien
"Earlier today, Governor Sarah Palin held a meeting with several leaders
from other countries to showcase her foreign policy expertise. That's right,
yeah. Experts say the meeting took 90 seconds." --Conan O'Brien
"Hey, let me tell you something. If all you need to do to become vice
president is be a former beauty queen with a tanning bed, then I'm casting my
vote for Ryan Seacrest!" --Jimmy Kimmel
"Did you see the Sarah Palin interview on ABC? This state trooper from
Alaska
says that Palin lied in the interview. She lied on national television. I'd say
someone's ready for the White House!" --Craig Ferguson
"John McCain's campaign said that Sarah Palin will not talk to the media,
this is a quote, until reporters can address her with respect and deference. Oh,
what is she running for, vice president or queen?" --Jay Leno
"For some reason, the Secret Service revealed this, that Sarah Palin's
Secret Service code name is 'Denali.' Turns out '
Denali
' is an old Eskimo name that means 'Dan Quayle.'" --Jay Leno
"This is true. In
Alaska
, a political activist is trying to get Sarah Palin to release over 1,000
e-mails that she's withholding from public records. She won't release them.
Yeah. Apparently, several of the e-mails went unanswered and have the subject
line 'Mom, I need to talk to you about birth
control.'" --Conan O'Brien
"They're selling Sarah
Palin action figures online. I don't know where they get the outfits for
these, but she looks like the sluttiest librarian of all time. Sad incident at
Toys 'R' Us today -- a Sarah Palin doll shot My Little Pony." --Jimmy
Kimmel
"Because of Sarah Palin, people are now asking the question: Is she ready
to be president? If, God forbid, something happens to John
McCain, is Sarah Palin ready to be president? I don't think we need to worry
about that, because Bush has lowered the bar so tremendously." --David
Letterman
"I kind of like that Sarah Palin. You know, she reminds me, she looks like
the flight attendant who won't give you a second can of Pepsi. No, you've had
enough. We're landing. Looks like the waitress at the coffee shop who draws a
little smiley face on your check. Have a nice day." --David Letterman (Read
more of Letterman's
jabs at Palin)
"Of course, now everyone's digging into Sarah Palin's past. There's an old
picture of Sarah Palin circulating on the internet right now, and she's wearing
a t-shirt that says, 'I
may be broke, but I'm not flat-busted.' Yeah, John McCain was upset when he
heard this and asked, 'What's the internet?'" --Conan O'Brien
"The Wall Street Journal said today Democrats are sending an army of
lawyers and investigators up to Alaska to look into the background of Sarah
Palin. And of course, John McCain is furious. He said, 'Hey, if I didn't look
into her background, there's no reason you should be looking into her
background.'" --Jay Leno
"Experts say -- this is interesting -- that since Sarah Palin became the
vice presidential nominee, there's been an actual spike in the sales of her
style of eyeglasses. Gone way up. Yeah. Yeah, with Palin's glasses, you'll be
able to see everything, except what the hell your teenage daughter's up
to." --Conan O'Brien
"Dick Cheney told reporters this week, there's no reason why Sarah Palin
cannot be a successful vice president in the McCain administration. In fact, not
only can she shoot a lawyer in the face, she can field dress him as well."
--Jay Leno
"And the big guns are out. The Democrats have sent Hillary to
Florida
to go after Sarah Palin. So, that makes two
Clintons
trying to nail her now." --Jay Leno
"Oprah Winfrey's in the middle of a big scandal, because she is refusing to
have Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin on her show. The
friction started because Palin said if she's elected, she'll be the most
powerful woman in the country. And Oprah said, 'The hell you will!'" -Conan
O'Brien
"And how are you going to be the vice president of the
United States
with five kids to take care of? She's got a four-month-old of her own, she's
about to become a grandmother, and she's partnered with John McCain. How many
diapers can one woman possibly change?" --Jimmy Kimmel
"How many of you folks saw that last night, the Vice President,
Republican Sarah Palin? Whoa, man, I like that Sarah Palin. She looks like the
weekend anchor on Channel 9. She looks like the hygienist who makes you feel
guilty about not flossing. She looks like the relieved mom in a Tide
commercial." --David Letterman
"She looks like one of those women in the Van Halen videos who takes off
her glasses, shakes out her hair, and then all of a sudden, she's in high heels
and a bikini."
--Jimmy Kimmel
"Governor Sarah Palin gave her speech tonight at the GOP Convention, and it
gave people who didn't know anything about her the chance to finally meet her,
you know, like John McCain." --Jay Leno
"We're learning more and more about Governor
Palin. Apparently her daughter's name is Juno."
--Jay Leno
"The Republican
Convention is under way. The theme for tonight's Republican Convention is,
'Who is John
McCain?' Tomorrow night's theme is, 'Who forgot to check if the Vice
President's daughter is pregnant?'" --Conan O'Brien
"It's true, John McCain's running mate, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, has
revealed that her 17-year-old daughter is pregnant. Palin said, 'We should never
have introduced her to John
Edwards.'" --Conan O'Brien
 
"And you've got to love this: Sarah Palin is an avid hunter. An avid
hunter. A vice president who likes guns? Well, what could go
wrong there?" --David Letterman
"Some people are saying that McCain picked Sarah Palin to appeal to women
who supported Hillary
Clinton. This is crazy. You can't just replace Hillary Clinton with another
woman. Bill tried that, it didn't work out." --Craig Ferguson
"John
McCain's VP pick is the governor of
Alaska
, a unknown hockey mom named Sarah Palin that no one ever heard of. The only
other job she had in politics was the mayor of a small town known as
Wasilla
,
Alaska
, and now she has the opportunity to be on a ticket opposite of Barack
Obama, the first black man she's ever seen." --Bill Maher
"This isn't a presidential ticket, this is a sitcom. The maverick and the
MILF." --Bill Maher
"Are you kidding me, the mayor of
Wasilla
,
Alaska
? Yeah, that's who you want in the White House during a time of crisis. When she
got a phone call at 3 in the morning, it was because a moose had gotten in the
garbage can." --Bill Maher
"I think this is pertinent because McCain has been running this campaign
based on 'we're at war, it's a dangerous world out there. The democrats don't
get that. I John McCain am the only one standing between the blood-thirsty Al
Qaedas and you. But if I die, this stewardess can handle it.'" --Bill Maher
"When they were vetting her for this job, like three seconds ago, she said,
quote, I'm not making this up, 'What is it exactly that the VP does every day?'
Let me field that for you, Sarah. They start wars, they enrich their friends,
they subvert the Constitution, and they shoot people in the face. That's what
the vice president does." --Bill Maher
"Did you see Sarah Palin standing next to McCain at the podium the other
day when he introduced her? Didn't it look like one of those commercials where
the daughter is trying to find a nice home to put Dad in? 'We'd like someplace
quiet.'" --Jay Leno
"Here's the amazing part: back in 1984, Sarah Palin actually came second in
the Miss Alaska beauty pageant. Now she could be vice president. You know what
that means? For the first time in history, a beauty pageant contestant might
actually bring about world peace. They've talked about it for years; here's one
that could do it!" --Jay Leno
"Speaking of Sarah Palin, she said she's a life-long member of the National
Rifle Association. Which may explain why she's in favor of shotgun
weddings." --Conan O'Brien
"Vice presidential candidate Sarah
Palin has many views. She says she's opposed to same-sex marriage. Did you
know that? Yeah, Palin says everyone knows marriage isn't for gay people; it's
for pregnant teenagers." --Conan O'Brien
"Oh, and all those Internet photos of Sarah
Palin in a bikini holding a gun. But they are all photoshopped. Like those
photos of Bill and Hillary dancing, all fake." --Jay Leno
 
"She's not bad looking. She looks like one of those
women in the Van Halen videos who takes off her glasses, shakes out her hair,
and then all of a sudden, she's in high heels and a bikini.
All of a sudden, I am FOR drilling in
Alaska
." --Jimmy Kimmel
"Not only is she young, they're saying she's the prettiest candidate for
Vice President since John Edwards." --Jimmy Kimmel
"There was also some breaking news out of Dayton, Ohio, today where this
morning Republican presidential candidate John McCain introduced the world to
his third wife -- actually, no, I'm sorry, that's his running mate Sarah Palin,
the freshman governor of Alaska, and star and producer of Emmy-winning 30 Rock.
No, I apologize, the star of the Emmy-winning Will & Grace. No, no, I'm
sorry, it's actually the mild-mannered and troubled librarian from every Cinemax
movie." --Jon Stewart
"Alaska Gov. Sarah Pallin is John McCain's choice. Here's what we know
about her: her name is Sarah Palin." --Jay Leno
"Palin and McCain are a good pair. She's pro-life and he's clinging to
life." --Jay Leno
"Today President Bush called Gov. Palin and congratulated her. Bush told
Palin the job of vice president is very important because as vice president, you
get to tell the president what to do." --Jay Leno
"The McCain people believe that Americans will disregard her inexperience
because they will fall in love with her story. She was a runner up in the 1984
Miss Alaska Pageant., which may sound trite, but you try walking in high-heeled
snow shoes." --Bill Maher
"And the trump card, why Americans will fall in love with her, she's got
five kids. How can you not vote for someone who has five children, including an
infant. Some touching details about the infant: it has Down Syndrome, she had it
when she was 43 years old, and it looks a lot like John Edwards." --Bill
Maher
"Five kids? Does anyone in that party understand the concept of pulling
out?" --Bill Maher
 
Sarah
quotes:
"We used to hustle over the border for health care we
received in
Canada
. And I think now, isn't that ironic?" --Sarah Palin, admitting that her
family used to get treatment in Canada's single-payer health care system,
despite having demonized such government-run programs as socialized medicine
that will lead to death-panel-like rationing, March 6, 2010
Sarah Palin, on writing notes
on her hand during her Tea Party convention speech: "I didn't really
had a good answer, as so often -- is me. But then somebody sent me the other
day, Isaiah 49:16, and you need to go home and look it up. Before you look it
up, I'll tell you what it says though. It says, hey, if it was good enough for
God, scribbling on the palm of his hand, it's good enough for me, for us. He
says, in that passage, 'I wrote your name on the palm of my hand to remember
you,' and I'm like, 'Okay, I'm in good company.'" (
March 5, 2010
)
"They are kooks, so I agree with Rush Limbaugh. Rush Limbaugh was using
satire ... I didn't hear Rush Limbaugh calling a group of people whom he did not
agree with 'f-ing retards,' and we did know that Rahm Emanuel, as has been
reported, did say that. There is a big difference there." --Sarah Palin,
attempting to rationalize why it's okay for Limbaugh to use the word
"retards" but not Emanuel, FOX News Sunday interview, Feb. 7, 2010
"Who calls a shot like that? Who makes a decision like that? It's a
disturbing trend." –Sarah Palin, pushing a conspiracy
theory that "In God We Trust" had been moved to the edge of coins
by the Obama administration (the change was made by the Bush administration in
2007 and was later reversed by Congress, before Obama took office), West Allis,
Wisconsin, Nov. 6, 2009
"The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with
Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama's 'death panel' so his
bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their 'level of
productivity in society,' whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system
is downright evil." –-Sarah Palin, in a message posted on Facebook about
Obama's health care plan, Aug. 12, 2009
"Left Unalakleet warmth for rain in
Juneau
tonite. No drought threat down here, ever but consistent rain reminds us: 'No
rain? No rainbow!'" --one of many Tweets by Sarah Palin that William
Shatner recited
as poetry on "The Tonight Show"
 
"I think on a national level your Department of Law there in the White
House would look at some of the things that we've been charged with and
automatically throw them out." --Sarah Palin, referring to a department
that does
not exist while attempting to explain why as president she wouldn't be
subjected to the same ethics investigations that compelled her to resign as
governor of Alaska, ABC News interview, July 7, 2009
"How sad that Washington and the media will never understand; it's about
country. And though it's honorable for countless others to leave their positions
for a higher calling and without finishing a term, of course we know by now, for
some reason a different standard applies for the decisions I make." --Sarah
Palin, July 4, 2009
"It may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod
along, and appease those who demand: 'Sit down and shut up,' but that's the
worthless, easy path; that's a quitter's way out." --Sarah Palin,
announcing her resignation as governor, July 3, 2009
"Let me go back to a comfortable analogy for me - sports... basketball. I
use it because you're naive if you don't see the national full-court press
picking away right now: A good point guard drives through a full court press,
protecting the ball, keeping her eye on the basket... and she knows exactly when
to pass the ball so that the team can WIN." --Sarah Palin, announcing her
resignation,
July 3, 2009
"Only dead fish go with the flow." --Sarah Palin, quitting, July 3,
2009
"Letterman certainly has the right to 'joke'
about whatever he wants to, and thankfully we have the right to express our
reaction. This is all thanks to our U.S. military women and men putting their
lives on the line for us to secure America's Right to Free Speech - in this
case, may that right be used to promote equality and respect." --Sarah
Palin, misunderstanding the First Amendment, June 16, 2009
"That was fun!" --Sarah Palin, conducting an interview after pardoning
a turkey for Thanksgiving while other turkeys were slaughtered in the
background, Nov. 20, 2008
"I'm like, OK, God, if there is an open door for me somewhere, this is what
I always pray, I'm like, don't let me miss the open door. Show me where the open
door is." --Sarah Palin, on running for national office in the future, FOX
News interview, Nov. 10, 2008
"John McCain and I, we love you and thank you for spending a few minutes to
talk to me." --Sarah Palin, talking with Canadian radio prankster posing as
French Presideny Nicolas Sarkozy, Nov. 1, 2008 (Read more about the prank
call, watch the video
and see the transcript)
"Ohh, good, thank you, yes." --Sarah Palin, after the Canadian prank
caller complimented her on the documentary about her life, Hustler's "Nailin
Paylin," Nov. 1, 2008
"We realize that more and more Americans are starting to see the light
there and understand the contrast. And we talk a lot about, OK, we're confident
that we're going to win on Tuesday, so from there, the first 100 days, how are
we going to kick in the plan that will get this economy back on the right track
and really shore up the strategies that we need over in Iraq and Iran to win
these wars?" --Sarah Palin, suggesting we are at
war with Iran, FOX News interview,
Nov. 1, 2008
 
"As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space
of the
United States of America
, where– where do they go? It's
Alaska
. It's just right over the border." --Sarah Palin, explaining why Alaska's
proximity to Russia gives her foreign policy experience, interview with CBS's
Katie Couric, Sept. 24, 2008 (Watch
video clip)
"The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with
Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama's 'death panel' so his
bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their 'level of
productivity in society,' whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system
is downright evil." –-Sarah Palin, in a message posted
on Facebook about Obama's health care plan, Aug. 7, 2009
"All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these
years." --Sarah Palin, unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she
reads, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008 (Watch
video clip)
"Well, let's see. There's ― of course in the great history of
America
there have been rulings that there's never going to be absolute consensus by
every American, and there are those issues, again, like Roe v. Wade, where I
believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So, you know, going
through the history of America, there would be others but ―" --Sarah
Palin, unable to name a Supreme Court decision she disagreed with other than Roe
vs. Wade, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008 (Watch
video clip)
"We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. ... We
believe that the best of
America
is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little
pockets of what I call the real
America
, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um,
pro-America areas of this great nation." --Sarah Palin, speaking
at a fundraiser in
Greensoboro
,
N.C.
, Oct. 16, 2008
"[T]hey're in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really
get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will
make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom." --Sarah
Palin, getting
the vice president's constitutional role wrong after being asked by a third
grader what the vice president does, interview with NBC affiliate KUSA in
Colorado, Oct. 21, 2008 (Watch
video clip)
"They are kooks, so I agree with Rush Limbaugh. Rush Limbaugh was using
satire ... I didn't hear Rush Limbaugh calling a group of people whom he did not
agree with 'f-ing retards,' and we did know that Rahm Emanuel, as has been
reported, did say that. There is a big difference there." –Sarah Palin,
attempting to rationalize why it's okay for Limbaugh to use the word
"retards" but not Emanuel, FOX News Sunday interview, Feb. 7, 2010
 
"If [the media] convince enough voters that that is
negative campaigning, for me to call Barack Obama out on his associations then I
don't know what the future of our country would be in terms of First Amendment
rights and our ability to ask questions without fear of attacks by the
mainstream media." --Sarah Palin, getting First Amendment rights backwards
while suggesting that criticism of her is unconstitutional, radio
interview with WMAL-AM, Oct. 31, 2008
"Absolutely not. I think that, if I were to give up and wave a white flag
of surrender against some of the political shots that we've taken, that ... that
would ... bring this whole ... I'm not doing this for naught." --Sarah
Palin, asked about her plans for 2012 and whether she would disappear from the
national political scene if she loses, ABC News interview, Oct. 29, 2008
"And Alaska -- we're set up, unlike other states in the union, where it's
collectively Alaskans own the resources. So we share in the wealth when the
development of these resources occurs. ... It's to maximize benefits for
Alaskans, not an individual company, not some multinational somewhere, but for
Alaskans." --Sarah Palin, explaining the windfall profits tax that she
imposed on the oil industry in Alaska as a mechanism for ensuring that Alaskans
"share
in the wealth" generated by oil companies, New
Yorker interview, Sept. 2008
"John McCain and I, and our camps, are working together to get John McCain
elected." --Sarah Palin, denying reports that she is "going
rogue" while suggesting there are separate
Palin and McCain camps, Oct. 27, 2008
"I don't know if you're going to use the word 'terrorist' there."
--Sarah Palin, asked if people who bomb abortion clinics are terrorists, NBC
News interview, Oct. 23, 2008 (Watch
video clip)
"[T]hey're in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really
get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will
make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom." --Sarah
Palin, getting
the vice president's constitutional role wrong after being asked by a third
grader what the vice president does, interview with NBC affiliate KUSA in
Colorado, Oct. 21, 2008
"We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. ...We
believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit,
and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being
here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America
areas of this great nation." --Sarah Palin, speaking
at a fundraiser in Greensoboro, N.C., Oct. 16, 2008
"I like being here because it seems like here and in our last rally too --
other parts around this great Northwest
-- here in New Hampshire you just get it." --Sarah Palin, Laconia, New
Hampshire, Oct. 15, 2008
"I would hope at least that those protesters have the courage and the honor
of thanking our veterans for giving them the right to protest!" --Sarah
Palin, confusing supporters at a campaign rally who had shouted "We
can't hear you!" and "Louder!", Richmond, Va., Oct. 13, 2008
"I'm very, very pleased to be cleared of any legal wrongdoing ... any hint
of any kind of unethical activity there. Very pleased to be cleared of any of
that." --Sarah Palin, after an Alaska legislative report found she had
broken the state's ethics law and abused
her power in the Troopergate scandal, conference call with Alaska reporters,
Oct. 12, 2008
"They are also building schools for the Afghan children so that there is
hope and opportunity in our neighboring country of Afghanistan." --Sarah
Palin, speaking at a fundraiser
in San Francisco, Oct. 5, 2008
"There's a place in Hell reserved for women who don't support other
women." --Sarah Palin, misquoting
former Secretary of State Madeline Albright, who said women should
"help" other women," Carson, Caliif., Oct. 4, 2008
"I may not answer the questions that either the moderator or you want to
hear, but I'm going to talk straight to the American people and let them know my
track record also." --Sarah Palin, on not answering the questions in the
vice presidential debate, St. Louis, Missouri, Oct. 2, 2008
"All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these
years." --Sarah Palin, unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she
reads, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008 (Watch
video clip)
"I'll try to find you some and I'll bring them to you." --Sarah Palin,
asked by Katie Couric to cite specific examples of how John McCain has pushed
for more regulation in his 26 years in the Senate, CBS News interview, Sept. 24,
2008 (Watch
video clip)
 
Katie Couric: "What other Supreme Court decisions do you disagree
with?"
Sarah Palin: "Well, let's see. There's --of course --in the great history
of
America
rulings there have been rulings, there's never going to be absolute consensus
by every American. And there are -- those issues, again, like Roe v Wade where I
believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So you know -- going
through the history of
America
, there would be others but--"
Couric: "Can you think of any?"
Palin: "Well, I could think of -- of any again, that could be best dealt
with on a more local level. Maybe I would take issue with. But you know, as
mayor, and then as governor and even as a Vice President, if I'm so privileged
to serve, wouldn't be in a position of changing those things but in supporting
the law of the land as it reads today." --unable to name any Supreme Court
decisions other than Roe v. Wade, CBS News interview, Oct. 1, 2008 (Watch
video clip)
"Who calls a shot like that? Who makes a decision like that? It's a
disturbing trend." –Sarah Palin, pushing a conspiracy
theory that "In God We Trust" had been moved to the edge of coins
by the Obama administration (the change was made by the Bush administration in
2007 and was later reversed by Congress, before Obama took office), West Allis,
Wisconsin, Nov. 6, 2009
"Ohh, good, thank you, yes." --Sarah Palin, after a notorious Canadian
prank caller complimented her on the documentary about her life, Hustler's
"Nailin
Paylin," Nov. 1, 2008 (Read more about the prank
call, watch the video
and see the transcript)
"I think on a national level your Department of Law there in the White
House would look at some of the things that we've been charged with and
automatically throw them out." --Sarah Palin, referring to a department
that does
not exist while attempting to explain why as president she wouldn't be
subjected to the same ethics investigations that compelled her to resign as
governor of
Alaska
, ABC News interview, July 7, 2009
 
"Well, it certainly does because our -- our next door
neighbors are foreign countries. They're in the state that I am the executive
of. And there in
Russia
... We have trade missions back and forth. We-- we do-- it's very important
when you consider even national security issues with Russia as Putin rears his
head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where-- where
do they go? It's
Alaska
. It's just right over the border. It is-- from
Alaska
that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very
powerful nation,
Russia
, because they are right there. They are right next to-- to our state."
--Sarah Palin, asked by Katie Couric how Alaska's proximity to Russia gives her
foreign policy experience, CBS News interview, Sept. 24, 2008 (Watch
video clip)
"But ultimately what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about
the healthcare reform that is needed to help shore up our economy." --Sarah
Palin, explaining the $700 billion government bailout of Wall Street to Karie
Couric, CBS News interview, Sept. 24, 2008
"I'm the mayor, I can do whatever I want until the courts tell me I
can't.'" --Sarah Palin, as quoted by former City Council Member Nick
Carney, after he raised objections about the $50,000
she spent renovating the mayor's office without approval of the city council
"That's exactly what we're going to do in a Palin and McCain
administration." --Sarah Palin, elevating herself to the top
of the ticket,
Cedar Rapids
,
Iowa
,
Sept. 18, 2008
(Watch
video clip)
"I watched with the volume all the way down. I thought it was hilarious. I
thought she was spot on. ... It was hilarious. Again, didn't hear a word she
said, but the visual, spot on." --Sarah Palin, on Tina
Fey's "SNL" skit interview on FOX News's "Hannity &
Colmes," Sept. 17, 2008
"Oil and coal? Of course, it's a fungible commodity and they don't flag,
you know, the molecules, where it's going and where it's not. But in the sense
of the Congress today, they know that there are very, very hungry domestic
markets that need that oil first. So, I believe that what Congress is going to
do, also, is not to allow the export bans to such a degree that it's Americans
that get stuck to holding the bag without the energy source that is produced
here, pumped here. It's got to flow into our domestic markets first."
--Sarah Palin, billed by John McCain as the nation's foremost expert on energy,
clumsily answering a question while speaking off the cuff at a town hall
meeting, Grand Rapids, Michigan, Sept. 17, 2008
"The fact is that Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac have gotten too big and too
expensive to the taxpayers." --Sarah Palin, on the two companies which are
in fact private
entities, Colorado Springs, CO, Sept. 13, 2008
"They're our next door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land
here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska." --Sarah Palin, on her foreign
policy insights into Russia, ABC News interview, Sept. 11, 2008
"Nucular." --Sarah Palin, mispronouncing the word "nuclear"
twice, ABC News interview, Sept. 11, 2008
"Perhaps so." --Sarah Palin, when asked if we may need to go to war
with Russia because of the Georgia crisis, ABC News interview, Sept. 11, 2008
"I have not, and I think if you go back in history and if you ask that
question of many vice presidents, they may have the same answer that I just gave
you." --Sarah Palin, after being asked if she had never met a foreign head
of state, despite the fact that every vice president in the last 32 years had
met a foreign head of state prior to taking office, ABC News interview, Sept.
11, 2008
"In what respect, Charlie?" --Sarah Palin, after being asked if she
agreed with the Bush Doctrine, ABC News interview, Sept. 11, 2008 (Watch
the raw, unedited video)
"Let me speak specifically about a credential that I do bring to this
table, Charlie, and that's with the energy independence that I've been working
on for these years as the governor of this state that produces nearly 20 percent
of the U.S. domestic supply of energy." --Sarah Palin, misstating the
actual amount of energy produced by Alaska, which is only
3.5 percent, Sept. 11, 2008 (Watch
the raw, unedited video)
 
"We grow good people in our small towns, with honesty and sincerity and
dignity." --Sarah Palin, in her speech at the Republican Convention,
quoting the fascist right-wing columnist Westbrook
Pegler, an avowed racist and anti-Semite who once expressed his hope that Robert
F. Kennedy would be assassinated
"You'll be there to defend the innocents from the enemies who planned and
carried out and rejoiced in the deaths of thousands of Americans." --Sarah
Palin, linking the Iraq war the 9/11 attacks while addressing U.S. soldiers
shipping off to Iraq, Fairbanks, Alaska, Sept. 11, 2008
"I told the Congress, 'Thanks, but no thanks,' on that Bridge to
Nowhere." --Sarah Palin, who was for
the Bridge to Nowhere before she was against it, multiple
"Absolutely. Yup, yup." --Sarah Palin after being asked by People
magazine if she was ready to be a heartbeat away from the presidency
"It's great to see another part of the country." --Sarah Palin,
campaigning in
Pennsylvania
, Aug. 2008
"A changing environment will affect
Alaska
more than any other state, because of our location. I'm not one though who
would attribute it to being man-made." --Sarah Palin, dismissing global
warming as influenced by human activity, Newsmax interview, Aug. 2008
"As for that VP talk all the time, I'll tell you, I still can't answer that
question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every
day?" --Sarah Palin, interview with CNBC's "Kudlow & Co",
July 2008 (Watch
video clip)
"I've been so focused on state government, I haven't really focused much on
the war in Iraq." --Sarah Palin, interview with Alaska Business Monthly,
March 2007
 
"Pray for our military men and women who are striving
to do what is right. Also, for this country, that our leaders, our national
leaders, are sending soldiers out on a task that is from God. That's what we
have to make sure that we're praying for, that there is a plan and that that
plan is God's plan." --Sarah Pailn, on the Iraq war, speaking to students
at the Wasilla Assembly of God, June 2008 (Watch
video clip)
"I think God's will has to be done in unifying people and companies to get
that gas line built, so pray for that." --Sarah Palin, on the $30 billion
national gas pipeline project that she wanted built in the state, speaking to
students the Wasilla Assembly of God, June 2008 (Watch
video clip)
"We need to come to the defense of Southeast Alaska when proposals are on
the table like the bridge and not allow the spinmeisters to turn this project or
any other into something that's so negative." --Sarah Palin, on the Bridge
to Nowhere, interview with the Ketchikan Daily News, Oct. 2006
"And our congressional delegation, God bless 'em. They do a great job for
us. Representative Don Young, especially God bless him, with transportation --
Alaska did so well under the very basic provisions of the transportation act
that he wrote just a couple of years ago. We had a nice bump there. We're very,
very fortunate to receive the largesse that Don Young was able to put together
for
Alaska
." --Sarah Palin, on federal pork and earmarks secured by Rep. Don Young
(R-AK) (Watch
video clip)
"When I hear a statement like that coming from a woman candidate with any
kind of perceived whine about that excess criticism, or maybe a sharper
microscope put on her, I think, 'Man, that doesn't do us any good, women in
politics, or women in general, trying to progress this country." --Sarah
Palin, on complaints from Hillary Clinton's campaign about sexist coverage,
Spring 2008
"Yes, the explicit sex-ed programs will not find my support." --Sarah
Palin, declaring her support for abstinence-only education in a questionnaire
during her 2006 gubernatorial race
"What would your response be if I asked you to remove some books from the
collection?" --Sarah Palin, inquiring with Wasilla librarian Mary Ellen
Emmons about banning books right after taking office in 1996
++++++
Sarah
Palin Pictures:
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/sarahpalin/ig/Sarah-Palin-Pictures/
+++
Sarah
Palin Cartoons:
http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/sarahpalin/ig/Sarah-Palin-Cartoons/
++++
 
Michelle
Bachmann Quotes:
"I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s
that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat
president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think
it's an interesting coincidence." -Rep. Michele Bachmann, on the 1976 Swine
Flu outbreak that happened when Gerald Ford, a Republican, was president, April
28, 2009
"I wish the American media would take a great look at the views of the
people in Congress and find out: Are they pro-America or anti-America?"
-Rep. Michelle Bachmann, calling for a new McCarthyism, Oct. 2008
"Take this into consideration. If we look at American history, between 1942
and 1947, the data that was collected by the Census Bureau was handed over to
the FBI and other organizations at the request of President Roosevelt, and
that's how the Japanese were rounded up and put into the internment camps. I'm
not saying that that's what the Administration is planning to do, but I am
saying that private personal information that was given to the Census Bureau in
the 1940s was used against Americans to round them up, in a violation of their
constitutional rights, and put the Japanese in internment camps." -Rep.
Michele Bachmann, June 2009
"During the last 100 days we have seen an orgy. It would make any local
smorgasbord embarrassed … The government spent its wad by April 26."
-Rep. Michele Bachmann, accusing the Obama administration of premature fiscal
ejaculation, May 2009
"That's why people need to continue to go to the town halls, continue to
melt the phone lines of their liberal members of Congress, and let them know,
under no certain circumstances will I give the government control over my body
and my health care decisions." -Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-MN), a pro-lifer
who completely missed the irony of using the same slogan as the pro-choice
movement in arguing against health care reform
"Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study
that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas."
-Rep. Michelle Bachmann, April, 2009
"There are hundreds and hundreds of scientists, many of them holding Nobel
Prizes, who believe in intelligent design." -Rep. Michele Bachmann, Oct.
2006
"I want people in
Minnesota
armed and dangerous on this issue of the energy tax because we need to fight
back. Thomas Jefferson told us 'having a revolution every now and then is a good
thing,' and the people -- we the people -- are going to have to fight back hard
if we're not going to lose our country." -Rep. Rep. Michele Bachmann, March
2009
"Does that mean that someone's 13-year-old daughter could walk into a sex
clinic, have a pregnancy test done, be taken away to the local Planned
Parenthood abortion clinic, have their abortion, be back and go home on the
school bus? That night, mom and dad are never the wiser." -Rep. Michele
Bachmann, on health care reform's potential to dupe parents, October 2009
"I don't know where they're going to get all this money because we're
running out of rich people in this country." -Rep. Michele Bachmann,
accusing the Obama administration of plotting to divert money from Republican to
Democratic districts and planning to tax the wealthy to fund the windfalls, Feb.
2009
+++++
Political
Humor
Bush
Clinton Obama
Osama Government
 
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