Q: Did you hear that the Polish government bought a thousand
septic tanks?
A: As soon as they learn to drive them, they're going to
invade Russia.
--------------------------------------------
Three drug addicts went into a back alley to shoot up. The
black addict sterilized his needle, swabbed it with alcohol,
and shot up. Then he passed it to the Jewish junkie, who
sterilized it, swabbed it with alcohol, and shot up. Then
he passed it to the Polish addict, who stuck the needle right
in his arm.
"Are you crazy, man?" screamed the first two. "Haven't you
heard of AIDS" You could get sick, man, and die."
"Don't be ridiculous," said the Pole in a lofty tone. "I'm
wearing a condom."
---------------------------
Polish, American, and Russian representatives were all
conferencing at the UN Headquarters discussing who
was the supreme power in space and should take on the
lead as the head of the new space station project.
The Russian argued that they should be project lead
because they were the first in space and therefore could
expedite any goals or expectations levied on the project.
The Americans argued that since they were the first to
go to the moon, they were supreme in the technology
side of the project, and therefore would be a better
pick to lead.
The Polish representative meanwhile is laughing and
smiling the whole time.
The American and Russian questioned him as to what
was so funny, certainly he had no valid input as to
support a desire for his country to lead in this
world project.
The polish rep replied, ‘Gentlemen, certainly your
countries efforts and achievements are well recognized
and warrant the position that you are striving to attain.
But I should tell you that as of tomorrow, Poland will
be the supreme superpower of space, for we are
sending men to land on the sun."
At this, the American and Russian are doubled over
laughing and heckling the Polish representative…
" How the hell do you expect to achieve that, it is
way too hot, nothing in the world can withstand
the heat of the sun?"
The Polish rep replies, "you think we stupid or
something, we’re landing at night."
*****************
An Indian, a black man and a Polack share an apartment. The rent
is due soon and all three are unemployed, so they all go out to
look for a job. That evening, they met to discuss their day.
The Indian says to his roommates, "Me pissed - me no find no
job." The black man then says, "Shit man, I ain't hooked up
no job either!" The Polack chimes in, "Hey, I found a job!
The owner said all I had to do was show up on time at 8A.M. and
I could go to work!"
Knowing that the Indian woke really early and watched the sun
rise, the Polack asked the Indian to wake him at 6:30 so he
could get to work on time and then went to bed.
The black man liked to play practical jokes and talked the
Indian into helping him play one on the Polack. While the
Polack slept the other two painted his face black.
The Indian woke the Polack at 6:30 who then got dressed and
went straight to his new job. When he got there, he told the
owner he was ready to go to work. The owner said he didn't
know what he was talking about. The Polack reminded him of
his promise to put him to work if he showed up on time. The
owner said that the guy he hired was white. The Polack replied,
"I am white". The owner said, "No you're not, you are black,
go look in the mirror!"
The Polack went to the bathroom, looked in the mirror and
exclaimed, "That stupid damn Indian woke up the wrong guy!"
------------------------
Q: What do you call a Polish family in Pakistan?
A: A pack of Stanleys!
------------------------
Q: How come the Polish firing squad was never successful?
A: They always stood in a circle!
+++++
Some Polish people decide to start a chicken farm. They get some
chickens and plant them in the ground, headfirst. When all the
chickens die, the farmers are somewhat confused, but they don't
give up.
They get some more chickens, but these are planted feet-first.
It takes a little longer, but eventually the second batch of
chickens die, too.
They decide to write a letter to the Polish agriculture bureau.
In the letter they explain in detail the procedures they have
followed and their disappointing results. A few weeks later
they receive this reply from the bureau: "Before we can advise
you, please send us a soil sample."
------------------
A few nights ago a few friends and I were in a bar, telling
all the polish jokes we knew; boy what a feast! Anyway, I
ducked into the restroom to sprinkle the old porcelain.
While I was in there, this big guy came in and said to me,
"Hey pal, I'm Polish and I don't like you telling all those
Polish jokes!"
So I said, "Well, they're not against you, pal, just against
anyone in Poland."
"My mother is in Poland!" He screams, and pulls out a razor.
Boy was I scared! I was sure he would have killed me if he
had found a place to plug it in!
-------------------
Q: Did you hear about the Polish wolf that got stuck in
a trap?
A: It gnawed off three legs, and couldn't figure out why
it still wasn't free!
-------
Poles offer a mobility like that of the wind that blows over the immense
plains and marches of Poland. Show a Pole a precipice, and he will leap headlong
over it.
- Honore
de Balzac
+++
An Italian, an American, and a Polack were captured by the
French for various crimes and are taken to the guillotine.
The executioner places the Italian on the block and asks if
he has any last words. The Italian replies, "I pray to the
Virgin Mary that I may live." They drop the blade and it
stops a mere inch above the Italian's neck. Amazed, the
French let him go.
Next, the American is put in position and asked if he has any
final words. He replies, "In the name of Jesus Christ, please
have mercy." They drop the blade, and again it stops just an
inch from the American's neck. In disbelief, they let him go
free.
Then the Polack is placed on the block, and they ask if he
has any last words. He says, "Yeah. You've got a knot in your
rope."
-----------------------
Two Polacks, John and Stan, were sitting outside a clinic.
John was crying like anything. So Stan asked, "Why are you
crying?"
John replied, "I came here for a blood test." Stan asked,
"So? Are you afraid?"
John replied, "No, not that. During the blood test they cut
my finger"
Hearing this, Stan started crying hysterically. John was
astonished and asked Stan, "Why are you crying?"
Stan replied, "I have come for my urine test!"
------------------------
