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Regional U. S.
Humor
NorthEast
MidWest
West
South
Rednecks You
May Be a Redneck If...
 
Regional idiosyncrasies
You're from the West Coast when...
--You make over $250,000 and still can't afford to buy your own house.
--The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
--The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
--You know how to eat an artichoke.
--You drive to your neighborhood block party.
+++
You're from New York when...
--You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
--You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State
Building.
--You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from
ColumbusCircle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
--You think Central Park is "nature."
ou believe that being able to swear at people in their own language
makes you multi-lingual.
--You've even worn out a car horn.
--You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
+++
You're from Alaska when...
--You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup and Tabasco.
--Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
--You have more than one recipe for moose.
--Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
--The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and
construction.
+++
You're from the South when...
--You get a movie and bait in the same store.
--"Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.
--After a year you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are ya?"
-- "He needed killin' "*is a valid defense.
+++
You're from Colorado when...
--You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
--You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops
at the day care.
--A pass does not involve a football or dating.
--The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.
--Your bridal registry is at REI.
+++
You're from the Midwest when...
--You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
--Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
--You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
--You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?" or "If you
go to the mall, I wanna go with."
--Your first job was detasseling.
--When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was
different."
+++++++
At these Fahrenheit temperatures:
+65 - Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night.
+60 - Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one).
+50 - Miami residents turn on the heat.
+45 - Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts.
+40 - You can see your breath. Californians shiver uncontrollably. Minnesotans
go swimming
+35 - Italian cars don't start.
+32 - Water freezes.
+30 - You plan your vacation to Australia.
+25 - Ohio water freezes. Californians weep. Minnesotans eat ice
cream. Canadians go swimming
+20 - Politicians begin to talk about the homeless. New York City
water freezes. Miami residents plan vacation farther South.
+15 - French cars don't start. Cat insists on sleeping in your
bed with you.
+10 - You need jumper cables to get the car going.
+5 - American cars don't start.
0 - Alaskans put on T-shirts.
-10 - German cars don't start. Eyes freeze shut when you blink.
-15 - You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo.
Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects. Miami residents cease
to exist
-20 - Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you. Politicians
actually do something about the homeless. Minnesotans shovel
snow off roof. Japanese cars don't start.
-25 - Too cold to think. You need jumper cables to get the driver
going.
-30 - You plan a two week hot bath. Swedish cars don't start.
-40 - Californians disappear. Minnesotans button top button.
Canadians put on sweaters. Your car helps you plan your trip
South.
-50 - Congressional hot air freezes. Alaskans close the bathroom
window.
-80 - Hell freezes over. Polar bears move South. Green Bay Packer
fans order hot cocoa at the game.
-90 - Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets.
++++++++++
Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
California: By 30, Our Women Have More
Plastic Than Your Honda
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The
Kennedy's Don't Own It -- Yet
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Georgia: We Put The "Fun" In Fundamentalist Extremism
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hawaii: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru
(Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your
Money)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idaho: More Than Just Potatoes ... Well
Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure
Are Real Good
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Illinois: Please Don't Pronounce the "S"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Indiana: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Iowa: We Do Amazing Things With Corn
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kansas: First Of The Rectangle States
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Kentucky: Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Louisiana: We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun
Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maine: We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Maryland: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Massachusetts: Our Taxes Are Lower
Than Sweden's (For Most Tax Brackets)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Michigan: First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Minnesota: 10,000 Lakes... And
10,000,000,000,000 Mosquitoes
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About
Your Own State
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Missouri: Your Federal Flood Relief Tax
Dollars At Work
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Montana: Land Of The Big Sky, The
Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, And Very
Little Else
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nebraska: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nevada: Hookers and Poker!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Jersey: You Want A ##$%##! Motto?
I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right Here!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New Mexico: Lizards Make Excellent pets
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
New York: You Have The Right To Remain
Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney ...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
North Carolina: Tobacco Is A Vegetable
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
North Dakota: We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ohio: At Least We're Not Michigan
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oklahoma: Like The Play, Only No Singing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oregon: Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pennsylvania: Cook With Coal
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rhode Island: We're Not REALLY An Island
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
South Carolina: Remember The Civil War?
We Didn't Actually Surrender
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
South Dakota: Closer Than North Dakota
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tennessee: The Educashun State
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Texas: Si' Hablo Ing'les (Yes, I Speak English)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Utah: Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vermont: Yep
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Virginia: Who Says Government Stiffs And
Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Washington: Help! We're Overrun By Nerds And Slackers!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Washington, D.C.: Wanna Be Mayor?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
West Virginia: One Big Happy Family... Really!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Wisconsin: Come Cut The Cheese
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
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the Firemen, Farmer, Redneck, Blondes, Politicians, and other fun jokes here at
Riches2Surf!
NorthEast MidWest
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South
Rednecks You
May Be a Redneck If...
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