The following are ACTUAL answering machine messages in use by real people: 

Hi. Now you say something.

Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.

Hello. I am David's answering machine. What are you?

Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up.

Hello. I'm home right now but cannot find the phone. Please leave a message and I will call you up as soon as I find it.

I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself. Thanks.

Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.

Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

Hi there. This is Joe speaking. I'm home right now, and in a moment I'll have a decision to make. Leave your name and number and I'll be thinking about it...

This is Dan Cassidy's answering machine. Please leave your name and number, and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and be brought to the attention of the FBI.

Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you.