DEAR WHITE FELLA,
COUPLE THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW.
WHEN I BORN, I BLACK
WHEN I GROW UP, I BLACK
WHEN I GO IN SUN, I BLACK
WHEN I COLD, I BLACK
WHEN I SCARED, I BLACK
WHEN I SICK, I BLACK
AND WHEN I DIE, I STILL BLACK
YOU WHITE FELLA
WHEN YOU BORN, YOU PINK
WHEN YOU GROW UP, YOU WHITE
WHEN YOU GO IN SUN, YOU RED
WHEN YOU COLD, YOU BLUE
WHEN YOU SCARED, YOU YELLOW
WHEN YOU SICK, YOU GREEN'
WHEN YOU DIE, YOU GRAY,
AND YOU HAVE THE GUTS TO CALL ME COLORED???

-----------------------

A new American ambassador was being entertained by an African diplomat. They had spent the day discussing what the country had received from the Russians before the new government kicked them out.

"The Russians built us a power plant, a highway, and an airport. Plus, we learned to drink vodka and play Russian roulette."

The American frowned.

"Russian roulette's not a very nice game."

The diplomat smiled.

"That's why we developed African roulette. If you want to have good relations with our country, you'll have to play. I'll show you how."

He pushed a buzzer, and a moment later, six magnificently built, nude women were ushered in.

"You can choose any one of those women to give you oral sex," he told the American.

"That's great," the ambassador said, "but it doesn't seem much like Russian roulette."

"Oh, it is. One of them is a cannibal."

--------------------------------------------

Q: What would they have called the Million Man March if it was raining out side?

A: Gorillas in the mist!

------------------------------------------------------------

They finally found proof of black cavemen...

they dug up two Cadillacs with four payments due.

++++++++++++++++++++

Two black guys were hitch hiking across the country. They
were having a hard time catching rides as they were traveled
through the south, so they decided they would sneak aboard a
truck and the driver would never know about it.

This plan was working well until they stowed aboard a truck
full of bowling balls. When the truck stopped in a small town
in Alabama, they decided to get out to buy something to eat.

The owner of the diner across the street from where the truck
was parked saw them coming and started to panic.

"Mary Lou! Quick! Call the sheriff!" Zeke, the owner, called
out.

"What's wrong Zeke?" she asked.

"A truck full of nigger eggs just pulled up and two of them
hatched!"

--------------------------------------------

Bob Hope was on the Oprah Winfrey Show, and bragged that
despite his 97 years of age, he could still have sex three
times a night.

After the show, Oprah said, "Bob, if I'm not being too
forward, I'd love to have sex with an older man. Let's go
back to my place."

So they go back to her place and have great sex.

Afterwards, Bob says, "If you think that was good, let me
sleep for a half hour, and we can have even better sex.
But while I'm sleeping, hold my testicles in your left hand,
and my penis in your right hand."

She looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay." He sleeps for
half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex.

Then Bob says, "Oprah, that was wonderful. But if you let
me sleep for an hour, we can have the best sex yet. But
again, hold my testicles in your left hand, and my penis
in your right hand."

Oprah once again says, "Great, Bob, but tell me, does my
holding your testicles in my left hand and your penis in
my right stimulate you while you're sleeping?"

Bob replies, "No, but the last time I slept with a black
woman, she stole my wallet!"

--------------------------------------------

Q: What is the only line longer than that of the Million
Man March?

A: The line at KFC afterwards!

--------------------------------------------

A black lady decided to try and get a job as a secretary.
She was told she had to take a test, and part of the test
was to write some sentences using the words, 'redress,'
'nachos,' and 'hotel.'

When the black lady finished her test, this is how it read:

"I gots me a red dress in my closet and its mine, not cho's,
and when I goes down the steps when the wind is blowing, I
shows my whole tail!"

------------------------------------------------------------

There are these two friends, a white guy and a

black guy. One evening, they're in a bar arguing

over which of them can have sex the most times

in one night. They decide to settle the issue by

going to the local whorehouse and gathering

experimental evidence, as it were.

So they get to the whorehouse, pair off with a

couple of the ladies, and go to their respective rooms.

The white guy energetically balls his whore and,

reaching up with a pencil, makes a " | " mark on

the wall. Then he falls asleep. He wakes up in a

couple of hours and screws the whore again, albeit

a little less enthusiastically this time.

Again, he reaches back and marks a " | " on the wall.

Again, he falls asleep. He wakes up again in a couple

of hours and lethargically humps the hooker again.

He drowsily marks another "|" on the wall and falls

asleep for the rest of the night.

The next morning, the black guy barges into the

white guy's room to see how he did.

He takes one look at the wall and exclaims,

"A hundred and eleven?! You beat me by three!"

+++++

What if some famous movies were remade to fit into today's pop
culture? Instead of being in boring old English they'd be
written in Ebonics. We've taken the liberty of translating a
few easily identifiable movie quotes into this new language
for your reading pleasure.

"Luke, I'm your father."
Ebonics: "Hey boy, I's yo daddy."

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn!"
Ebonics: "Later, bitch!"

"To be or not to be? That is the question."
Ebonics: "Is I is or is I ain't? Shiiit"

"I'll be back."
Ebonics: "I's a fixin' to bust a cap in yo ass."

"We're off to see the wizard."
"We's fixin' to see the hoodoo 'bout some voodoo."

"You've got to get mad! Stand up wherever you are, go to the
nearest window and yell as loud as you can: 'I'm mad as hell,
and I'm not going to take it anymore!'"
Ebonics: Fuuuck You!

"We're going to need a bigger boat."
Ebonics: You see da teeth on this mutha fucka? Turn this
piece-a-shit around and get my black ass back to shore!

"I am Spartacus."
Ebonics: "Who da fuck is Spartacus?"

-----------------------------------------------------

Q: What do you get when you cross the blacks at the Million
Man March and a million black lesbians?

A: Two million niggers that don't do dick!

--------------------------------------------

Jethro and Euphus, two maintenance workers in Cherokee County,
Georgia, were sittin' 'round talkin' at lunch one day.

Jethro calls over to Euphus, "Hey, Euphus, I dun heard that
we ain't gotta work on Monday cuzzin' it's Martin Luther King,
Jr.'s birfday."

"You crazy hillbilly, Jethro," Euphus replies, "where did you
hear sumpin' stupid like that?"

"God's honor, Euphus," says Jethro. "The bossman was saying
that all gov'ment workers ain't gotta work cuz Mr. King was
a good nigger man that did good things, and cuzzin' he was
shot, we get to celebrate his birfday wiff a day offa work."

"Who shot Dr. King?" asked Euphus.

"Oh, that was James Earl Ray over in Tennessee," replied
Jethro.

"That sonovabitch," cries out Euphus. "Why didn't he shoot
four more so's we could have the whole week off?"

--------------------------------------------

Q: What is another name for a cocoon?

A: A N-Nigger.

------------------------------------------------------------

Say this out loud: 'Fe Fo Fo Fi Fo Fe Fo.'

Q: Do you know what that is?

A: Mike Tyson's phone number!

--------------------------------------------

Mike Tyson and Jesse Jackson decided to take a vacation
to Rome. When they visited the Vatican, they decided that
they should take a little time to pray to God. While they
are praying, Mike Tyson pulls out a bag of peanuts and
begins to eat them, while he throws the shells on the
floor.

Jesse Jackson says, "Pick up them damn peanut shells 'fore
you gets us thrown outta here!".

Mike Tyson says, "No. I'll go eat my peanuts on the other
side so you won't bother me."

After sitting on the other side of the room for a few
minutes, Jesse Jackson sees the Pope walk in, give the
sign of the cross to Mike Tyson and leave.

Jesse runs over to Tyson and says, "Hey, what did he say
to you?"

Mike Tyson says, "Oh, he said 'You, pick those shells
off the floor, (points to Jesse Jackson) get that other
nigger, (points to the door) and get the hell out of here!"

--------------------------------------------

Q: Who are the two most famous black women?

A: Aunt Jemima and Mother Fucker!

Tyrone asked his buddy Robert one morning, "Man, why you
always so damn happy when you come to work everyday?"

Robert replied, "That's because I make love to my woman
every morning before work."

Amazed, Tyrone asked him how he gets her to make love
to him every morning.

"That's easy," Robert said, "I just tell her this little
love poem that I made up, and she loves it! It goes like
this: Blondie, Blondie, eyes so blue, I love waking up
and making love to you!

Tyrone was amazed and said, "Man, you white guys is so
dam sentimental!"

So Tyrone he decided it couldn't hurt, so he would give
it a try. So he spent the rest of the day thinking up a
poem for his woman.

The next day Tyrone showed up to work just all beat to
hell, bruised eyes, broken nose, fat lips, the works.
Robert asked, "Man, what the hell happened to you?"

Tyrone replied, "Man, I don't know. I went home and
tried your advice, that's all. I just told her a poem."

"Well, what poem did you tell her," asked Robert.

Tyrone looked up and recited these words: "Nappy head,
nappy head, eyes just like a frog, if I could roll your
fat ass over, I'd do you like a dog!"

--------------------------------------------

Q: Why are there so few black nuns?

A: Because they simply cannot get the hang of saying the
word 'Superior' after the word 'Mother.'

--------------------------------------------

Old Ned be walk'n with he furst grandboy. One of dem firstest
few blocks, they see Miser Bob, and Miser Bob say, "how ole
dat young man be? Bet he be smart'r dan dem otters."

"Yep!" Old Ned, he be proud of dat grandboy, so he say, "he
can be doin' ah mose what I be tel'n him a do!"

"My! My! Me!" Miser Bob be say'n. "How ole day boy done be?"

"Dis young man, he done be almos three."

"Dat's mighty fine!" Miser Bob be say'n. "I no believe'n dat
man be a talk'n alredy. What he be say'n?"

Ole Ned be a look'n down at dat boy, big smile on he face,
and he say to dat boy, "say motherfucker for da man!"

------------

Q: Why don't black people take Aspirin?

A: They don't like to pull the cotton out of the bottle.

------------

Mr. Boudreaux was a typical, uneducated Bayou black man.

De Census man...he come to de Bayou and he's takin' down 

all dis infomation.

He say to Mr. Boudreaux, "Just fill in this part of de form
and I'll be on my way."

Mr. Boudreaux says, "Well, you'll have to come sit by the
side of me and fill it out cause I can't read or write."

So de Census man..he sit down by the side of Mr.

Boudreaux and he begin askin questions and writin'

on de form. Pretty soon he comes to de end of de form

and he say to Mr. Boudreaux,

"Just sign it down der at de bottom."

Boudreaux says, "You already know I don't read or

write...I can't sign dat form!"

So de Census man, he says, "Just make an X."

So Boudreaux, he make a great big X at de bottom and a
little, itty bitty one right beside of it.

The Census man, he says, "what's wiff dat little bitty

x next to de big one?

Boudreaux, he says, "I'm a Junior!"

--------------------------------------------

The President is touring the Bayou. He sees dis little
black boy bein' towed by a speed boat. He says to his
guide, "Look at that. Isn't that nice that those boys
are letting that little black boy ski behind their boat?"

The guide, he say to the President,

"I'm sorry Mr. President, but that don't look so nice now

...dem boys is trollin for alligators!"

-----------------

Q: Why are there so few black astronauts?

A: How would you like to be a proud educated black man
circling the earth all day saying, "Yes, NASA! No, NASA!"

-------------------

Gabriel came to the Lord and said, I have to talk to you, I
have a problem. I know we have affirmative action and we
are supposed to have 20,000 black folks in heaven but they
are causing so many problems.

They have torn down the Pearly Gates by swinging on them,
they stole my horn, got barbecue sauce all over their robes.
Hamhock, spareribs, and pigfeet bones all over the streets
of gold. Some are walking around with only one wing.
Angels must have two wings to fly. Those robes are eternal
and must be washed 3 times a day. Some have not washed their
robes since they arrived. Some have refused to take their
turn keeping the stairway to Heaven clean.

Watermelon and Sunflower seeds are all over the clouds. Some
refuse to wear their halos, saying that they don't fit right
over their Braids, Waves, Dreds, Up-Do's, Pin Curls, French
Roles, Afro's, Dreds and yes even some still with curls.

The Lord said, it's not fair not to let black folks in heaven.
They have just as much right here as white folks. Surely the
devil has the same issue, let's call him see how's he's dealing
down there.

The Devil answered the phone and said, "Hell-low, Whuz up
Lord, what can I do for you?'

The Lord said, "We have a problem up here and we would like
to talk to you about it. The devil interrupted and said, "Wait
a minute, I've got to put you on hold."

The Devil was gone 5 minutes, he came back to the phone and
says, "OK Lord I'm back, whuz up? The Lord replies, "Well,
I would like to talk to you about a couple problems we have
up here..." Once again the Devil excused himself. This
time he was gone 15 minutes.

Finally, the Devil came back to the phone and says, "Lord I
am sorry, but I got to go - I have a MAJOR crisis at hand!
These black folks down here done put my fire out, and nigger
-rigged them some air conditioning!

------------

The reason blacks don't go to a country-western dance is
simple to understand.

Every time someone shouts, "Hoedown," someone shouts back,

"You momma's done got shot!"